Virtues: Humility

This is the first entry in a series of posts about various virtues.  The ones I embody, the ones I hope to embody and the ones that remain elusive!

Of all the the virtues to acquire, humility is the most difficult to master. Yes, we have it.. we just have to master it. I mean, how can we not defend against wrong doings or incorrect assumptions vehemently, how can we not speak up when we WANT to be heard and we don't want to be quiet? How can we not dispute a lie or mistruth?  How can we not be insistent when we  KNOW if we just push it we can get what we want with our little nudges here and there? How do we trust that everything will happen in our favor by just believing and shutting our faccia? 

Some say humility comes with prayer and patience.

Some say they are born with it. I wasn't.

I have to work at it. A LOT.

I'm conscious and aware that my  humility needs work.  When I "lose it"  I try and justify my words or actions. My explanations are rock solid and sensible. However, it seems my being head strong is immutable. Or so I say.. I mean I'm head strong so why would I think I'm capable of  being humble???  Darn, this is a vicious cycle!

You see my point? Of course you do. I'm stuck in a black hole of denial like you. Just agree. Thanks.

We ALL can be humble, we ALL can zip our lips. We don't yell at our bosses, we don't curse our preachers, we don't beat up the police officer that gave us a ticket. If we have control there, we can have control  (and humility) everywhere. We just don't think we have the capability of being a saint like that. We underestimate ourselves often. We can do it if we try. Yes, I know, it's trite....but it's right.

Truth  Be Told: Eat your slice of humble pie before you eat crow. 

What we have here is a failure to communicate!

That famous movie line in itself, is kind of.... incorrect. What it SHOULD say is " What we have here is a failure to communicate EFFECTIVELY." After all, we are in a consistent mode of communicating with everyone and everything but HOW we do it is what leads to communication success or communication break down.

..and everyone knows what happen when the communication between persons breaks down... shit hits the fan.. feelings get hurt... people get frustrated.. no one feels like their words are heard or their point is proven... Nothing solved and the only thing gained is a migraine headache that rivals the one your  (insert common noun here) seems to give you.

Someone has to be the communication commando. It just takes one person to reel it back in and try to steer the train wreck back on track. Everything successful has a hierarchy. Leaders and followers..From the animal world to the corporate world to even the prison populations where Big John runs the yard and  Sweet Baby D protects the incoming perps.. It all works when every one knows their place. Now don't go screaming this is a post about relegating to the Dark Age, but order and hierarchy make sense to me in a whole slew of realms. Think about it. The functioning world is based on it. ( going off on a mega tangent!)

 Having stated that, let me get back to my main thought!

The participants have to be willing for that to operate effectively.  Willingness is an integral part of communication success.  If unwillingness is what prevails, the communication ceases, nothing is gained and that exact thing you were disagreeing about or discussing will be the exact thing you "talk" about next Tuesday, weekend, or whenever.

Set forth the notion that your are communicating to solve something and put that on the table and don't forget them. Write a list, compose a thought cloud, impose a time limit, whatever. It's what works.





Truth Be Told: Communication is much harder when you are in the midst of an upset. A clear mind comes sometimes when it's too late or regret has set in. 


Soooooo.


Effective.
Purposeful.
Concise.


I'll let you know when I master it. But hey, I'm, WILLING.

Does Size Matter?

Little. Big. Wide. Far. Too late. Not enough.

People define their own significance often and too much by how other's treat them, or what  another offers them in way of tangible things or emotional fortitude. In a small way, I suppose I get that because I tend to  be a people pleaser to the people I love and care about and I have a giving nature. But you don't have to "do it big" to get your point across. Love is finite. Either you love someone... or you don't. Should it ever be a question of how much?  If they love you, then even the little love someone may have for should mean a lot. The importance lies in the fact that they love you. And that is enough. Period.

We are a universe of measurements. We measure emotion, earthquakes, penile length and breasts(sorry, but I'm a middle aged woman and you know we have sex on the brain 24/7) endurance, plots of land, amount of hamburgers sold in the world, and of course the breadth of someone's love. There is measurements of eve-reeeee-thing. We have become a quantitative society. Especially since the advent of technology when everything can be counted, tallied, and computed swiftly. I will always yearn for the ideal of a qualitative society.. and I suppose there are a lot of humans that feel the same as I do but for one reason or another, being lack of time (a measurement), lack of money (another measurement), lack of hope, they feel like their contribution to the universe or another's life would be inconsequential. These are the ones that think that something little doesn't mean a lot; that a drop in the bucket doesn't help an iota. That a hug means nothing, a smile nil. These things are immeasurable but they are doable and the completion is the only thing that matters.  Individually or collectively, anyone can make a difference.

Truth Be Told: The best things in life can't be measured or calculated..... because they are free of course.  People go through life trying to accomplish "big things" when it is the "little things" that are the true successes.  I tend to get wildly enthusiastic about the little things, but only because they give me the biggest smiles. It's the little things that are always the true blessings anyway.  Right?

I like me.

Some people try too hard.

Why do we make that statement and what are we meaning when we say it? As it pertains to me,  I think (sometimes.... okay often... say it) when I see someone acting out of character; brown nose style.  So many are in search of the acceptance of others as a proving ground for their own self worth.   They some how think, without much thought, that  if they can get someone to like them that they are likable to themselves. Why not KNOW you are likable by BEING your own likable self? Draw attention to yourself through another manner other than conforming to whatever mold is in front of you. You're a human being, not silly putty. Change your  "shape" for no one. The people that love you  really WILL love, like and RECOGNIZE the good and wonderful things about you.  Act earnestly.

Look..

 Not everyone is going to like you no matter what they see or what you do. They may dislike you because your laugh is irritating or you repeat the same story to 5 people in their presence.  I watch people mold themselves to be an idyllic version of what they think someone wants them to be.  They  my guess, unknowingly think that  they, on their own, are not great enough.  There is a fine line between self betterment, partner pleasing or trying something new and  sacrificing your standards, ethics, and ways of behavior to have someone like  you or envy you.  As relatively aware adults, we know the difference. Right?   Right.

Having said that, if you go demoting yourself, becoming darker, doing asinine things for attention or playing dumb, then you won't be liked by me. But it shouldn't matter but would you like you if you saw what we see?


Truth Be Told:  Don't be the sacrificial lamb for someone else's acceptance unless it is the person staring back at you in the mirror. After all, you are the only one that is stuck with you for the rest of your life so you might as well enjoy yourself.