Healthy Boundaries and the Step Parent

 Ay dios mio.

What role should a step parent play in your child's life? Assuming you are the custodial full time parent, a step parent should merely be supportive towards the facilitating of the relationship between the non- custodial parent and the child. The step parent should understand their role and know the unspoken rules of the parenting relationship.

 What happens when the step parent oversteps the healthy boundaries of that married into relationship? Sure, love the child, buy the child gifts, spend time with the child, make the day to day decision while the child is in your care. The step parent is not required to make life decisions for the child that already has two involved parents.  There is no requirement for a third party decision maker when there are two competent parents who are actively involved in the child's life.

There is no need to assert your self and "claim your territory" as the step parent. In most cases, you are a step parent simply because you married someone that had children from a previous relationship or marriage. As blatantly cruel that sounds, it's also factually correct.  It  does not give you Carte Blanche to dictate your" rights". In the  eyes of the law, there are no rights for the step parent.  In my opinion and absent extraordinary circumstances, such as when one of the biological parents is absent and the step parent becomes the other active decision maker.nurturer/provider , I'm sure that the powers that be designed the law that way for a whole collective of reasons.

 I've seen both sides of the spectrum, I have been a step parent to a young lady who didn't have a mother and now I have someone who is the step parent to my daughter. It's challenging no matter what side you are on. What I have always known and understood is the role that I played as a step parent; even when  I was the only mother, I knew I could not replace someones biological mother and did what I could to try and facilitate a relationship even though I disagreed with the mother's absence. You do what you can for the child, within reasonable, healthy bounds.

 For the new step parent,  you must understand that your job is to be supportive to your spouse and  to the decisions that are made by the parents of that child.  Often step parents feel like  they need to "compete" or try hard to gain the respect of the child, the spouse, or other parent. This is not and never has been about the step parent. The child is the primary focus and the decisions that are made should be made in the best interest of the child, not self interest of the step parent. Trust in your spouse, have confidence in your spouse,  and respect your spouse enough that he or she can make the decisions with his parent partner successfully without you checking him.

Truth be Told: Step parenting is meant to be a supportive role, not a replacement role.