Who are you today? Tomorrow?

How do you define yourself?  

How would others define you?

If they aren't matching, you aren't being honest with either with yourself, or them. 

If you are authentically you, your values, beliefs, actions will match whether you are at home or in the public eye. Your schools of thought and opinions should not change whether you are in the company of one or a couple dozen. You should not have to remember what you said just to keep your story straight. If you are honest, you don't have to worry about keeping up with yourself.

People's opinions can evolve and change yes, but not from person to person, from day to day. The process comes about from enlightenment or something that personally affected them forcing them to change their platform.  Once you have a belief, you usually hold onto for years, often forever. I would be suspect of anyone that changed their feelings, values, or morals like they change their socks.  

Having said that, if you are two(or three, or four) people among many you should ask yourself why. It usually can be found within those little crevices within your brain that you don't like to journey to.  

Truth be Told: Be you. With all your idiosyncrasies, faults, and quirks. We like you better that way anyway.  Please don't go being what you think is the accepted well-liked norm.  Your opinion and idea of what that is will probably be wrong anyway!

Imagi-Nation.

At a very you age, we start believing that an alternative life or a life not our own is better than what we have. Why?   Little girls grown up playing dress up, Barbie, Kings and Queens, and all sorts of imaginative  role playing games.. While we try and expand their little minds, are we also hurting their esteem?  Are we telling them that  physical beauty, class, or power is paramount ?  What's going on in your castle?

If we are not also being their advisers as to what reality is their mindsets will be that superficial riches are what they should be striving for. And when real life doesn't pan out the way it does in their imaginations, they will experience let down.   Let down turns into a poor confidence. Poor confidence turns into an injured spirit.

I see young and even grown adults modeling the above behavior so don't be quick to say it's no big deal if we let the young and impressionable do it. If adults value  exotic cars, wads of cash,  bevies of women, and expensive clothes over moral values we really should be taking a review of what we are unknowingly showing our children.

All I am saying is be careful with what we show the little ones, they can't  decipher a need and a want until we teach them, and if we aren't teaching them they aren't learning it.  When is the last time the TV told them that all they need is shelter, clothes, and food?

I have said that my primary focus is to raise my children to be decent, good human beings; That is number one.  I attempt to teach them what real value means, what real life is, and that a stupid climb up a ladder or where you are at on some totem pole has zero to do with success. Neither does how you look,  what you possess materialistically, or how popular you are.


Truth be Told: When we teach our little girls to be princesses and queens let them know to  be the     sweet princess, the one that loves, is kind, friendly and accepting.   Don't let her  be the princess that runs the Mean Girls Club.  Attitude does not mean rolling your eyes or neck telling people how it is, attitude means the ability to know how to use grace, intelligence, and kindness to say what you want. A queen exalts herself, not by belittling others but by uplifting them.  Make sure you are injecting reality into your children's life. That's what I do in my castle anyway. After all, I am the queen of it even if it's just a 20 year old condo sans a moat and drawbridge.

Now.

.So I asked my 6 year old daughter to give me a topic to write on and she said:
       " Now.".

 And to her I said:
                         "Yes, of course now."

 She followed up with :
                            "Noooooo mom, write about now, like what's happening nooow."

  Ahhhhhhh,.. Okay I got it.


Now. The present. The current goings on, thoughts, words, actions. We only exist in the now, right now. We cannot exist tomorrow unless we get through right now.  Now, is as absolute as one can get.  Nothing happens now, everything happens now.  We cannot recreate that moment of now, the next moment is the future. Section it by seconds or nano second  or an other scant number, it can not be relived.

Knowing that this moment of time will never come about again make sure to fill it with things, people, activities, and such that are truly enjoyable and bring about happiness.  Take now to do what you always wanted to do; Take now to tell someone what you always wanted to tell them; Take now to have the fun you know you should be having.

Truth be Told: Now is the time to live.  Breathe in life without too many regrets. Now is what matters and what you do now will change your later. Remember that now is really the only guarantee there is and you can't do it over, not now, not ever.

Challenges

When you encounter a challenging situation or person, what to you do?  Do you shy away and run for the mountains or do you face it like Superman to an oncoming locomotive? By not doing anything do you think that the problem will fix it self or disappear? Do you grow complacent waiting to make a decision only to see your window of opportunity closed?  While you cannot prevent the inevitable you can improve your chances at avoiding disaster by at least making an attempt to circumvent or solve your problem.

If a person is creating the challenge, ask yourself if you are looking through objective eyes or if you are just being judgemental. If you don't like your co-worker you may be apt to complain about their work. Just make sure their work is worth complaining about before you go flapping your gums. Furthermore, make sure yours is up to par or otherwise you look like not only a complain but a hypocrite!

How about another example? If you habitually  fail at a diet, ask your self where and when you falter and list the things that nudge you towards over eating or not exercising. You have to put yourself in favorable positions.  That means if someone asks you out for ice cream, you say no. Don't put yourself in a situation to falter.

What about money? Often this is some one's biggest challenge often because they can't seem to convince themselves that they CAN save or do without.   It's needs versus wants here for the most part. Try to eliminate the conveniences with a little planning and you will save a lot of money.   Coffee, fast food, extra fees at the ATM, office lunches.

Of course these are just some examples but the gist there, you get it.

 Truth be Told: If a situation did not pan out the way you want, or if you fall short of your goal, go back an reevaluate what steps you could have changed, eliminated, or added. Having said that,   Planning on how to attack the challenges is the best way to prevent or over come them. Do not wait for shit to hit the fan and you are sitting there with a goofy look on your face saying  "What the hell?!?!"

Healthy Boundaries and the Step Parent

 Ay dios mio.

What role should a step parent play in your child's life? Assuming you are the custodial full time parent, a step parent should merely be supportive towards the facilitating of the relationship between the non- custodial parent and the child. The step parent should understand their role and know the unspoken rules of the parenting relationship.

 What happens when the step parent oversteps the healthy boundaries of that married into relationship? Sure, love the child, buy the child gifts, spend time with the child, make the day to day decision while the child is in your care. The step parent is not required to make life decisions for the child that already has two involved parents.  There is no requirement for a third party decision maker when there are two competent parents who are actively involved in the child's life.

There is no need to assert your self and "claim your territory" as the step parent. In most cases, you are a step parent simply because you married someone that had children from a previous relationship or marriage. As blatantly cruel that sounds, it's also factually correct.  It  does not give you Carte Blanche to dictate your" rights". In the  eyes of the law, there are no rights for the step parent.  In my opinion and absent extraordinary circumstances, such as when one of the biological parents is absent and the step parent becomes the other active decision maker.nurturer/provider , I'm sure that the powers that be designed the law that way for a whole collective of reasons.

 I've seen both sides of the spectrum, I have been a step parent to a young lady who didn't have a mother and now I have someone who is the step parent to my daughter. It's challenging no matter what side you are on. What I have always known and understood is the role that I played as a step parent; even when  I was the only mother, I knew I could not replace someones biological mother and did what I could to try and facilitate a relationship even though I disagreed with the mother's absence. You do what you can for the child, within reasonable, healthy bounds.

 For the new step parent,  you must understand that your job is to be supportive to your spouse and  to the decisions that are made by the parents of that child.  Often step parents feel like  they need to "compete" or try hard to gain the respect of the child, the spouse, or other parent. This is not and never has been about the step parent. The child is the primary focus and the decisions that are made should be made in the best interest of the child, not self interest of the step parent. Trust in your spouse, have confidence in your spouse,  and respect your spouse enough that he or she can make the decisions with his parent partner successfully without you checking him.

Truth be Told: Step parenting is meant to be a supportive role, not a replacement role. 

Goal Processing

How do you accomplish your goals?

With time, perseverance, promise and diligence. Whether your goal is small and short range or lofty and long term, you need these four elements to bring them to fruition.

Grant yourself the time to achieve your goal. Pushing yourself and putting unrealistic demands on yourself will only discourage you and prevent you from finishing. Be clear, but don't waste the precious commodity either.  Set a reasonable time frame for yourself.

Nothing good ever came easy or so they say. There is time when nothing will seem to go right and the devil on your should will be rooting for you to throw in the towel. This is not the time to give up. It is the time to start pressing harder and  tightening the belt. Remember, you don't get that far and then just give up.  Arm yourself mentally on how to fight off failure.

Declare a promise to see yourself through to the end.  Hold yourself accountable by telling others what you are doing so they too can hold you accountable. It's one thing to fear personal failure, it's another to  fail in front of someone else. Funny motivator, but often successful.

The tortoise beat the hare because he didn't stop fighting. He knew if he just kept moving, albeit slow, that he would make it to the finish line. Be diligent in your endeavor and work consistently towards achieving it. When you're giving your concerted self to something, in effect your are saying you are devoting the efforts required for success. 

Truth be Told: Goals are challenging things that require more than the average contribution. Your game plan is necessary and you must create one fostered in favor and not failure. From the onset, your determination must be high and steadfast.  To rise up to the challenge, you must know that it will take time, sweat equity, mental stamina, and temperance.

Doubt

People will doubt you.. perhaps some will doubt you more than the ones that believe you. You could have 10 people doubting you, but you need only one to believe you. Guess who?  Gander in the mirror.

And for the people that doubt you, let that be a motivator. Prove them incorrect. Get your quiet satisfaction that comes with overcoming your obstacles. It's not your mouth that speaks loudest, it's the accomplishments.  No need for hurrahs; no need for pomp.  Whether they acknowledge it or not, they know.  How do they know? People are terrible actors. Read on, readers.

 We people, are better at being perceptive than we are nonchalant.  You can't "act" perceptive, we are that inherently. You can however "act" nonchalant. It's a practiced behavior that we partake in to display to others that we don't give a rat's ass... even though we do.  There will be people that dislike you for your successes. There will be  people acting like they don't see you. They refuse to give you kudos or due credit. There will be people that actively doubt you but yearn to possess what you exhibit. They watch you, and the minute you eff up, they are quick to point it out and they start feverishly penning the prologue of your story. Much of it, probably fiction.

Truth Be Told: Doubt is also a debilitator. It can take away the  very core of your strength...if you let it. If your faith is not bigger than your fear, than doubt will overtake you.  Do not let another's doubt define you.   Pick up the pen yourself, write your own rough draft, make your corrections, write your prologue,  your chapters, and YOUR happy ending..

Running in Circles

I often hear people saying that they need a change of locale, change of lifestyle, change of people in their lives to make some sort of progress towards happiness. Sure, these fixes can put temporary  band aids on life's ailments but they do not cure unhappiness or discontent. YOU, your outlook, your responses to the stimuli that provoke negativity is what changes your life.

I guess most think that when you eliminate the "bad" that the good will come. I say that you add the good and the bad will rid itself naturally. We all deserves breathers and breaks from the toils, but then it's right back to living, dealing, and working it out.

There has to be an internal process in change. You have to realign and redirect your thoughts. You have to be proactive so that you minimize the onslaught of drama. This doesn't always mean elimination!  Practice adding things to your life that multiply your happiness.  Doesn't have to fancy ,doesn't have to be involved, it just has to feel good.  That positive stimuli, and the more often you do it or receive it, creates an environment for it to happen again. You will desire it, so you will work (sometimes unknowingly) towards it.   Put yourself in that space, but remain in place. A fresh start starts with a thought, it doesn't mean you have to put your house up for sale and move to the woods of South Dakota or Oregon. Your problems will still be in your head.

Truth be Told: Running only is successful when you are passing a baton, or heading towards the uprights. Sometimes running just involves going around in circles repetitively, and not getting anywhere.  Change the game plan, not the course. You'll get there.