Youthful Wisdom.

My children are the quintessential old souls brimming with unrealized wisdom.   Unbeknownst to them, they are learning where the riches of life abound and finding happiness in it. They do  not seek fulfillment in extras, frills, or excess.    My teenage son smiled today because he said he had a GREAT day today. What did he do? He stayed home and did nothing.  Wow, when you realize that your happiness is connected to your self and  not external influences you have reached a level of wisdom that some grown folk  never even connect to.  He has humble bones that have strengthened over his short life into something that will aid his ethical and conscience development and that makes mama happy. He has the  mental structure for sustenance, endurance, and survival. He does not accept defeat and if defeat is handed to him he balks at it and casts it out as nothing more than a minor inconvenience. He doesn't dwell on it ;  He's a rebounder.  He refuses to settle. Negativity was not bred in his blood. He's been happy whether he's had two broke down knees or whether he won a district title.  I can't take all the credit as I feel like there is always something greater putting it's/His hand in the mix but I'm certainly proud to say that's my son.  He's always had something encircling him, providing him with lessons and the mechanics of how to deal with life intelligently and happily.  The world focuses so much on the excess and the accumulation of material wealth. We forget how to live, how to sustain living, and how to enjoy life  because we are always too busy looking for the next best  thing only to find out that it provides nothing of what we actually seek.  It has zero to do with what you drive, what you wear, what you own or what you do on your long weekends. Abundancy  dwells inside you.  You won't find it anywhere else.. and I learned that from my 18 year old son.

Truth be told: Be receptive to the lessons youth can teach you.  The moment you stop accepting they can teach you, God/the gods/Allah/insert your God here, will give you a big fat "F" in  Life Lessons 101.

Realism. A lost philosophy?

Realism to me is saying I am not perfect. Angela is not perfect!  Ahhhhh, does that feel good or what?!?!

What is real? Real to me is accepting you are not free from fault, falling short of your stated ideals, making a bad decision, or telling an untruth. It is in knowing that you are fallible, that you will succumb to another's whim or even perhaps even their emotional blackmail.  Maybe you trusted someone when you shouldn't have or maybe you promised someone something outlandish and you knew you couldn't deliver.


We were born imperfect human beings. So why do we insist on holding people to unrealistic standards? don't EVER lie,(once a liar always a liar), don't  EVER say something to hurt my feelings (because that means you don't love me)  don't EVER cheat on  me (because then you always will)... The laundry list and it's so called rationalizations could go on. (and yes I am using a romantic relationship as supporting example because this is often where the most unrealistic standards are placed).

Why are people afraid to say they love imperfect beings when we ourselves are unperfect? Why do we measure our worth  ALWAYS by the way someone treats us?  Sometimes people will  be people and you have zero to do with how they treat you. Sometimes, I said.. but not always.

I often wonder if some are wired to always react negatively and unrealistically about someone else's transgressions. Are they aware of their own? Do they put on the other person's shoes?  Whether it's convoluted or absolute, some people will mill about as if if their number 2 doesn't emanate unpleasantries.  Newsflash.. See the error of your ways.... and adjust accordingly.  Smothering someone with the breadth of your impossible ideals that is as wide as the Atlantic is not a good thing. 


PS. Like right now, I'm like this blog entry sucks,  has no depth.. sounds affected...seems incomplete... but guess what?  I'm not perfect so my blog won't always meet my ideal.. And I'm okay with that. :)

Truth be told:  The ideal that someone can  be free of imperfection is flawed. Even a diamond isn't perfect, and it's still valuable and has worth.

Yes, I'm a cheapskate. But I'm a damn good one!

Changing it up here for a bit, diverting from my philosophical commentary to expound on the wonderousness of a few of my found treasures today. I set out today with the notion to find some pieces for my work wardrobe and perhaps something for a casual weekend. I used to be a vintage clothing seller so I have no qualms about going into a dusty thrift store to do some scavenging. I have found Pucci, Gucci, Chloe, Fendi, Louis,  Gilbert Adrian  (sidebar FYI. Remember when shoulder pads were introduced in the 40s? They were made famous by the costumer designer Gilbert Adrian who designed suits for Joan Crawford, you know the ones, gander below) Well, that $20 blazer I sold for $500 so there ain't no shame in my game girls! So with that being said I wanted to share what I bought and how much I paid for all of it. Fun stuff, right?

 When you are concerned about money, Goodwill or any other reasonable  second hand store is like heaven.. for pennies!  Because of my self taught knowledge, I know the quality construction of a garment so none of it looks cheap and tacky...I pick out  classic pieces that I can wear for several seasons. The glory is in the creation of a great outfit that's pulled together with a fabulous pair of good shoes and a killer monster bag! 

I would never pay this amount for a piece of clothing. I got this MaxStudio blazer above for $5.99. It is a size 2 so I can't button it but who cares it looks fab.. right? The tank is Victoria's secret, $2.99 at TJ Maxx, and the jeans are Express which I believe were maybe $10?  

It takes a lot of dusty digging and toe pinching and time to find your treasures.  But when you score, you score! Sadly I did find a Chloe skirt today, and it FIT but it had  a rip and it hung funny so back on the rack it went.Too short for the office anyway, but I did pick up this  Vera Wang shirt,  Express skirt, bag, and  vintage necklace (multiple strands of pearls) for a grand total of $16.00. I paired it with my own belt and some Jessica Simpson platform pumps. Oh and the "purse"? It's actually a Lancome giveaway. Shhhh..

 f

Truth be told: You are a fool if you pay full retail for your frocks. With time, a good eye, and a tight wallet, you WILL find fabu shit.

Apathy, Listlessness, and Nonchalance.

The words apathy,nonchalance and indifference usually aren't part of Angela's world but there are times when the timing is just, the situation calls for it, and the idiot on the other end deserves it.


It's for the person (or who I fondly, lovingly call the idiot) who doesn't understand solid, obvious reasoning.
  " You got a ticket because you were speeding".

Their retort?  "I got a ticket because I wasn't paying attention to the cop that was parked in the cut!".

Now if I were to waste my mental energies trying to explain the lucidity of my statement and their absurdity of theirs  I would be the idiot.

It's for the person who talks the talk and doesn't walk the walk.

You know the kind, it's kinda like the girl that is a self proclaimed Barbie but she works at  Arby's.  Right, exactly there is nonesuch. You can't be a barbie when you smell like a cheeseburger and side of onion rings and wear a fucking paper hat.
It's the man that has a plan but no action.  It's like when you were a little heathen of a boy setting up your little green army men battlefield just so and then losing steam to even play or wearing your Superman cape and not flying. Real men (gasp!)  follow through.  (or some continue to wear the cape, call themselves Anastacia and attend drag night at Lucky Cheng's)

It's for the person that thinks they know it all.
Ugh! Please save me for the person who always knows what people will do, what they will say, how they will react, tells you how you should live your life, rear your children, handle your man, obey the Lord, cook your food, wear your clothes,  clean your house, drive your car, who to vote for and why, corrects your words (guilty!), offers too much unsolicited advice, butts into the convo... you get it.

For all of you, I display my apathy to the nth degree. I just do not  care enough to open my mouth to opine about it.  Yes, I will have little thoughts firing off in my head about how I could classify you psychologically and devise colorful retorts that would leave you looking dumbfounded, but I nonchalantly will digress. Some things are just better left unsaid. Besides, it's so much funner watching you hang yourself without me helping you.
 
Truth be told: Sometimes it's better to respond with apathy than opposition. Listlessness can be wielded very effectively. Nonchalant dispositions often achieve desired results.   

Cease talk is sometimes better than Peace talk.

Cool statement, huh?

I thought so. What does it mean? In Layman's terms it just means to regulate your verbal sparring drama by: Breathing, releasing, and letting it go. Sometimes not talking is better than trying to meet someone else's mind.

 If talking equates to an epic failure just stop talking. If a meeting of the minds ain't gonna happen, chalk it up to an immature or unreasonable mind set and stop talking.  You can often say much more in silence than you can  by flapping your gums.  Now, you have to know that some problems can't be solved, some questions don't have answers, and some people will never get it. Ever.  And you need to be okay with it. The answer to a problem that can't be solved is just to leave it alone. It deserves nothing further.


 Besides, I think it's the best thing you can do when  you're approaching the roadblock, the inevitable impasse, or stalemate of your verbal combats. Walk away, stop talking, thrown in the white towel, forget trying to promulgate your reasoning  (cause you know you are vying for the chance to gain personal victory over someone to satiate your selfish ego just to say that you facilitated the resolve and salvaged your ____________________!)  <insert whatever works for you.  WHEW!

  Not winning my friends, not winning.

Truth be told: Closed mouths sometimes speak the loudest. Your wisdom lies within your ability to speak volumes with your silence.

.

Angela's Bucket List

Perhaps I should add  "actively make efforts to complete said things on bucket list" because I just realize it has not changed in months. I want to do all these things and I intend to actually complete them all. Yes, all of them. As they reveal, they are not off the wall, but real things that I could actually do with just a little bit of planning and effort.

1. Submit a freelance piece of writing to a magazine.

2. Lose my fear of roller coasters.

3.Go to the Cherry Blossom Festival in DC. 

4.Eat at a taco bus.

5.Travel the Blue Ridge Parkway.

6. Eat Thai street food.

7. Buy a handgun.

8. Get a tattoo on the back of my neck.

9. Go to Walden Pond to reflect.

10. Learn to ride a sport bike.

11.Volunteer at a soup kitchen/food pantry.

12. Earn a degree.

13.Walk up Mulberry Street in Little Italy in NYC.

14. Attend Sundance Film Festival in Utah.

15. Visit Mt. Tolfa.

16. Visit more slave cemeteries.

17. Visit all drive in theaters in Florida.

18. Take a hot air balloon ride.

It was fun to write this list; to think about what I really want to enjoy while I'm occupying my little space on the planet that I inhabit. If you want to make one of your own take a gander over at: www.bucketlist.org.

Mind Control.

How do you stay mindful of your mind? How do you train your thought process to steer clear of the negativity and focus on the positive on a  regular, consistent basis?  It surely takes a heap of practice and a lot of flooding your melon with affirmations.  Personally, I read a lot, I write a lot more often, and I try and keep my surroundings full of people that are like-minded. Personal case in point: It's proven to be a hard task to let things just roll off my shoulders and go uncontested when I don't want to go down without a fight, but I am making slow headway where it  counts. I've done this by recognizing what triggers my desire to "fight" and then dispelling the illogical/incorrect/assumptive reasoning behind it, mentally telling myself to retract the negativity, and breathing slooooowly and THEN responding sans angst and fervor.  Sometimes you just have to be okay being less than who  you used to be to gain more more of who you want be. It's just part of  the process of self discovery. Being more aware of your mind patterns can allow you to recognize bad decisions before you make them,  key you in on what prompts your negative reactions and allow you to divert from that path of negativity and move in one that doesn't make you look like a damn hamster running in a wheel exerting all your energy and getting absolutely nowhere.

In other words, just pay attention to what you think and how you think. No one said it would be easy, hell it's like spearheading a personal revolution against yourself but if you can tackle you, the obstacle, you will enjoy the glory you receive in overcoming it.

Truth Be Told: Conscientious thinking precludes negativity thinking. Be mindful of your mindset and alter when necessary.

Contentment IS Fulfillment

Some say that contentment is a bad thing; that it signifies settling somehow as if it's  throwing in the towel because nothing better will come along or there is no Prince Charming out there so you might as well settle for "Prince not-so-charming-but-he'll-do". Often people view contentment as falling short of happiness. I do not see it that way. AT ALL. There is no end to craving, so you MUST be content with what you have. You must acquire the contentment that comes with something or someone making you happy. If you keep thinking that better is out there, you will keep craving it, ,and it will continue to be elusive.  Contentment makes you feel complete. You feel full. This acceptance of the present is part of victorious living.  You can live simply and still live abundantly if you are content with your circumstances and the people in your life.  It's going to take more to kill someone (figuratively speaking) who is content and with peace of mind, than it is to kill someone who is distressed and forlorn. Strength is in the fortitude to be happy with the present.

Truth be told: Some days a tub of water looks big, sometimes the ocean seems tiny. The idea is to be content with both.

Inspirational widgets

Peter Cetera isn't the only one that can talk about inspiration.

By widgets of course I mean a conglomerate of various people, places, things and thoughts.

I have never felt like I could not find inspiration to remain positive or to remain steadfast in my ongoing  "Project Me". I drink in so much information via the internet, books, movies, and magazines that I probably don't remember a quarter of what I take in, but the most poignant I tuck away in my mind to recall when the need requires.

If I need a mental pick me up, I peruse quotations at www.thinkexist.com or www.tinybuddha.com The sites are ordered, concise, free of cutesy pictures of butterflies, kittens, flowers, and dragonflies. After reading quotes, I often feel more determined, confident, and powerful.

If  I want to bust a gut with barrels of laughter I  hop on over to www.passiveaggressivenotes.com where I could spend hours perusing the decline of the human connection where individuals would rather write a note than have a face to face with someone about a their dog leaving gifts on their lawn.
After the laugh induction, I find myself in a much lighter state of mind.

If I need inspiration to increase the decrease on the scale I go to www.sparkpeople.com   or read Fitness  magazine or look to my son. Yes, that is him over to the right. My little  boy boy, who understands that there is no physical feat that can't be overcome without hard work and the power of will.  Did I mention he is 18?  Exactly.

 
If I seek inspiration to increase creativity, cure boredom, or just get lost in Fantasyland (which is rather pleasurable and one of the most fun things to do sans other breathing human bodies, aka "alone"), I watch indie movies, read Vogue, flip through Architectural Digest, vintage design books and periodicals,  or just read, read, read.

And perhaps maybe not one of the orthodox widgets of inspiration is to watch the drama, downfall and social interactions of some people.  I watch their mistakes and decisions and adjust accordingly. It's like a lesson plan for life. We get the chance to study others and self adjust. That book is always open. This is reaping benefit from someone's else misfortune yes, BUT it may prevent some of mine so I have no qualms about drinking it in. 

Truth be told:  Inspiration can be found everywhere but ultimately, it lies inside you. You already have in you many skill sets, bright ideas, strengths, fortitude, and successes.  Finding things to inspire you just keeps you on the path that has already been designed for you.

What I can teach you.

No, no, no this is far from self-indulgent and it's not me  stroking my ego.

 Seemingly the most beige of characters can teach us things. The tattered man nursing a paperbagged beer can teach us humility. Factually speaking, even non humans can teach us more humane characters than the ones we possess.  The family dog can school us about loyalty, right?  Ok. So don't go eye rolling because Angela says I can teach you something.

Your first lesson?  Stop thinking you can't be taught. Formal education may have ended years ago but learning has no end. I know that mostly everything I have acquired for my in between ears space has been after high school and "some college".  (For you it may be a BA or an MA, or even a PhD, but  moi?  I just gets to check the  "some college" box!)

 Gratitude:  I know how to express gratitude thank you to the lady that walked up to me in a a grocery store in Atlanta when I was 18 and pregnant, humbly and discreetly put a $50 bill in my hand because she said I reminded her of her daughter.  (that and the fact that I took umpteen minutes trying to decide do I need eggs more or milk more???) I ate all week on that fifty bucks!

 Humility: I've learned t that a constant "Whoa is me" disposition about anything less stressful than death, war, or losing a loved one is kinda pointless. Sure, we get caught up in moments of angst, pain, and turmoil, but let it roll..... If it's not life changing, it's not worth fretting over beyond a few moments. Focus on the solutions to it and move on from your bitching. Stop being so dramatic. Go watch a Sarah Mclachlan video or something.  That's the spirit!

Grace: Grace is knowing when to shut the hell up and knowing how to convey/package the most insulting of thoughts in a nice Tiffany box. Make it palatable.

Pride: Not in a 7 deadly sin type of way.  Pride is in the support not in the bragging.  

Intelligence:  As I age, I realize that intelligence is not knowing where in the body the Islet of Langerhans is but in the wisdom of life's lessons. It is gained through listening to others, constant observations, and ignoring the ignorant.

Objectivity:   Be able to argue on both sides of the podium. Can't make informed decisions or conclusions without knowing the side you are fighting or debating against.


Truth be told:  Schools of thought aren't acquired in red brick schoolhouses, they are learned through life experiences, observations, and practices.

And how about an apropos addendum called the "American fortune cookie":

 You are better off playing dice on the school playground than fiddling with beekers in chemistry. 

PS. In case you intelligent people are still wondering, the Islet of Langerhans is in the pancreas.

Answers

Some people say leave well enough alone, I say don't leave your questions unanswered. Ever.

I don't spew rhetorical questions. If I, me, Angela, am asking a question, it is surely being asked because I want to know the answer, I want to have an explanation,  I want my query to be satisfied and my hunger for closure needs to be satiated.  I prefer the close ended questions just to be answered with a simple yes, or a simple no. I can word my questions in such a way that I do not make it hard for the receiver to respond with one syllable.  If I am asking for clarification, it is because I am actively listening to what you have to say and seek clarity. I am not  the person who will agree when I don't or say I understand when I have no idea what is being said. I like to be in the know. I love the thorough, I love the specific,  I love the definite. I am a conscientious receiver of your answer whether I concur or not. I'm listening, I'm searching.. I don't question to insinuate, I don't question to provoke anything other than an answer. 

Sooooo, when certain someones tell me to leave well enough alone, I beg you.. Why? 
Why is of course, the hardest question to answer because it's answers are often subjective or opinionated.  Mind  you though, it is  exceedingly the best of the 5 W's.. Science asks it, philosophy ponders it, law demands it, religions attempts to explain it. The word "Why?"  can never be overused, can never become trite, can never become meaningless.

Little babes always seem to get chastised for repeatedly using the word "Why?". I believe an inquisitive mind is a healthy mind and if a little brain in my household didn't choose to ask "Why?" I may perhaps, wonder and ask  "Why not?"....

I have coined a special phrase years ago: " Nosy makes you smarter" and I will never retract that. The collection of information, factual, biased, or otherwise just increases the value of the bank. (aka mind). Whether the data is used or not is completely irrelevant.  You ask questions for answers sure enough, but even if you don't get a definitive one, you certainly get something out of it.  Please add the chips to your pile.

Truth be told: We are born with minds that are meant to question the validity of all things.  It is a shame if we do not use what we have to gain knowledge, insight, clarity and wisdom. 

Stupid (and often senseless)*hit Angela Does.

1. Break the  clothes hanger.... and put it back in the closet.
2. Walk past the light switch and say to myself "I will turn it off later".
3. Throw away pennies.
4.Let the change  collect at the bottom of the washer... until there is at least a dollar there because then  it's worth retrieving.
5. Rush when I'm early and be upset when I'm late even though I'm ten minutes early.
6. Keep earrings that have no mate for YEARS.. because the other one may turn up eventually or fix itself.
7.White glove test in unlikely to be dusted places and personally give myself a mental high five when I discover a place that has been left undusted. i.e. the top of fan blades or across the top of a headboard.
8. Look inside trash cans to devise a psychological evaluation.
9.  Look inside parked  cars for signs of disarray. (see above reason)
10. Read magazines back to front because I'm too impatient to wait to see the great last page bits. Thanks Glamour!
11. Read online menus, menus in hotel rooms, take out menus left at various places.
12. Clip coupons and never use them. Going as far as organizing them and inserting them in a coupon wallet every Sunday.
13. Pluck my gray hairs out with a tweezers.
14. Buy a plant and never water it.
15. Read "Psychology Today".
16. Look at pictures I hate to look at. To include but not fully encompass: ghetto club pictures, medical photos, or photos of insects.
17.  Throw a can in the trash as opposed to the recycling bin sitting right next to it.
18. Hold my nose as I walk by someone whose hygiene may be questionable.
19. Look at the bottom of people's feet.
20. Encroach on my neighbor's parking spot because she won't trim her damn bushes that encroach on my walkway causing me to have to walk through wet grass in my  Michael Kors heels and get molested by her god damn hibiscus!

Truth be told:  We all have eccentricities, pointless reasoning, and quirky behaviors.  Embrace your colorful self.

5 Things I learned AFTER 35.

I'm not wiser than Buddha or smarter than a Rhodes Scholar but I know some stuff.

1. Life REALLY is short. The most trite of trite phrases.  I look back at my life and realize how quickly 20 years passed by, I don't care to spend another day contemplating whether or not to do something. If I want to do it I will. If  I want to say something, I certainly would. If I want to eat it, you can bet your ass it will get ate. ( Bad grammar for effect.) If I love you, I will let you know. If I hate you, I will just  ignore your ass.

2. Forgiveness happens when it happens. You can't forgive someone before it's time. You can claim it, you can say it but if your heart won't let it happen then it's just not time. Eventually, the ill feelings fade and it hurts a little less  but if you can't forget it then you can't  forgive it.

3.People's emotional needs really are basic. Support, love, and laughter. That's it.

4.You are stronger than you think. People act weak until they are truly called to perform. I cried like a baby when I broke my cell phone, but I worked 3 jobs at once when my son was younger to put food on the table and provide. I've made the lemonade out of lemons and created what I call miracles at Thanksgiving, Christmas and every birthday. When you know you need to be strong, you will be. All one has to do is collect themselves, formulate a game plan or divise the strategy, and just fucking kick ass without stopping. And stop fucking  crying already.

5. A new pair of shoes cures EVERYTHING.

Truth be told: Wisdom unfolds as you experience life. Allow yourself to be taught by life and teach life to someone else through your living. You are what you live.

I've Got Sunshine.. What About You?

Every day(well often) I wake up and consciously say to myself "No complaining  today, don't fall into the negativity trap!" that surrounds you. Daily, I am bombarded with people offering up excuses, handing out those big sighs and ughs and getting angry over things that seem so minute to me.Their baggage luggage is the size of a Louis Vuitton Alzer 80.  They carry in it their childhood, their past regrets, their failures.  Now I know in my line of work I must not take things personally BUT if someone is talking to me as if I caused their problem I do take it personal, after all I am personally ME! People don't stop to think that if they were just a tad bit kinder, a little bit more courteous, a little bit more objective and unaffected by their demons dwelling inside they may actually move an inch or two in the right direction.  And extra points if they smile!

I ponder why some wake up on the wrong side of the bed and then stay there. They walk around hunched over, grumbling, spewing every reason to hate everything and everybody and expect you to jump in and agree with them. They can host that party if they choose but I'm not attending.
I prefer to have in my surroundings individuals that choose positivity and kindness; That are at least partially cognizant when  they sense their downward turn toward negativity and make moves to change it.

Everybody has off days, I get it. But why act like you can't "turn that from upside down"?  Is it really that hard? Think about all the hard things you do in your life or have done, and then tell me if moving your lips into a smile is hard. I digress.

So next time  you catch yourself saying something negative. Stop. Smile.(do it in your head if you want to. I assure you though, if people see you smiling they won't freak out and run away screaming) Then say it again.  If it sounds silly to you then guess what? There is the reason to try. Stop that negative thought and replace it with a smile. It looks so much nicer on you.

Truth be told: Be positive about being positive. You don't need a 12 step program to get there. You just need a smile, some sunshine,  and a little commitment. Before you know it, you'll be carrying your stuff in a train case not a trunk.

It's the "standard" standard.

Why do people get disappointed when you don't revel in their completion of a "standard" standard?

Since when did it become ABNORMAL to expect obvious regard for another breathing soul? Why do we congratulate people from graduating from pre-school, kindergarten, or high school?  These are milestones achievements  things that you should do. Perhaps in a third world or war torn country this may be hard to  accomplish but this is America. We are given the free ticket to gather the education. It is an expectation that you complete your coursework.

We lavish our children with gifts upon completion of EVERYTHING. From going potty to a perfect attendance,  we have overcongratulated our kids into expecting kudos for every thing they do instilling a false pride where it should not be.

Please recognize the difference  between positive reinforcement and congratulatory behavior.   "Keep trying you can do it!" is not the same as " Suzy was awesome today, she did her first boo boo in the potty and now we are headed to the Melting Pot!"

If we keep forcing our kids into the beliefs that every right turn is deemed worthy of celebration they will never be able to discern what a real accomplishment is.

Issues.

Ya know, rhymes with tissues?? 

  Don't act like you don't have them or know the word. Everyone has issues or has had an issue at some point in their life or another. Embrace yours. If it is in the past then guess what? You have overcome your issue and are still alive. Pat yourself on the back  for that my friends.

The main reason we don't like to let the world know? Social stigma. We read attention grabbing headlines that are sensationalized because someone with an off kilter personality has killed their spouse, set fire to the family dog, or went on a shooting rampage making sure that everyone goes down in a hail of bullets.  Media will hone in on what happened, how many people were hurt, what the person ate for breakfast, what country club they were a member of and every other form of minutia. What about the psychological factors that led to that developed mindset?

Like I recently told a friend, normal is not normal. And who defines that anyhow? Does normal mean you don't punch a wall,  don't elicit a scream like you have bi-polar affliction, or don't tear your husband's clothes to shreds because you caught him with his pants down with secretary Betty performing fellatio on him behind the office desk?  Whew!  And if one then DOES do one of those things, does that make them abnormal because they "lost it". Who hasn't?

Now don't get it twisted, I don't condone aggressive behavior but I can say I UNDERSTAND the mentality behind it. I've taken the time to look at subjects objectively. I may have doused my ex boyfriends' clothes with bleach once when I caught him cheating or punched him square in the forehead (revelation for purpose of explanation! I was 19 and learning) <-------------see? Even I make excuses for my actions because someone might think I, ME,  sweet Angela is crazy. Boy, do we really have malleable minds!

What folks need to do is stop worrying about what other people think, embrace their lunacy, accept that things happen and we all have momentary lapse of reasoning. We collectively or individually are no better than any other group or persons. No one person is any more normal than the other. I tend to think that we shelter ourselves, our demons, from the outside world and try to appear "normal".  Whatever that means.


 Truth be told: Call it eccentricity, diversity, uniqueness or passion if you want. Whatever you name it don't name it crazy. That's just.... well... crazy.

Angelaism #8: Investing in Love.

Love is an investment. Sometimes the market crashes but it always rebounds.

It's always easy to be happy go lucky when your "market" (aka relationship) stocks are thriving, you are earning interest at an inflated rate, your relationship is increasing in value and it seems to be more stable than ever without a hint of depreciation. You definitely are experiencing the King Kong syndrome and you think you cannot lose.

Then. Crash.  An unexpected windfall and immediately your stocks devalue and you wonder why (to protect your most valuable assets) you just didn't diversify or trade before.

Markets can be volatile, unpredictable, and risky. So what? Such is life and love. No matter how much you research, prepare, consult, trade,  it's gonna have it's highs and lows, gains and losses.

Truth be told:
Be aggressive. The more you invest the more you stand to gain. And what do you really have to lose?  You can always recover.

Valuable advice huh?

A private truth revealed.

Even if no one is eloquent enough to describe the essence of love or can't find the appropriate words to describe exactly how it feels, they KNOW how it feels because they, well... feel it. However, here is my effort to do so based on my own feelings.

Love transfers emotions.
When you hurt for someone, your heart heaves, your anxiety about a situation they have to endure may increase. You feel it physically from the inside out and embody their pain through some kind of cosmic transference. Alternately, when the person you love has a personal or career success, your endorphins are off the charts and feel like you won the Powerball yourself!

Love is uncontested selflessness.

  You don't have to try to be selfless, it just happens. You stop putting yourself first, almost effortlessly.. pure agape. You stop being afraid of someone taking advantage of your love and you start finding ways to dedicate yourself to that love and do all things to see the other person flourishes. You ensure that they are happy, content, and provided for.


Loyalty is not in question.
Love is trusting. This is one of the most  trite, obvious, overexposed truths to love. There is no doubt of who you would ride or die for. No doubt that your secrets aren't safe. No need to say " Please don't tell anyone but...."  Nope, no need for disclaimers when it's the real thing.

Love makes you want to be better, to do better, to be a better person.
Love opens doors to self.  It challenges you to address your conscience, to reevaluate your negative actions and to find ways to improve you, your life, and the life of the other person.

Love is respect.
If you love someone, you respect them. Not because you have to but  because you want to and feel like you have to. And we all know what respect is, no need to define it by splitting hairs as to what it is and what it ain't. It's really not as complicated as we tend to make it  by dissecting people's words or actions.

These are just a few of the truths of love that I have learned over the years. I have been fortunate for the most part to have a limited amount of "bad decisons" and a larger amount of  positive influences and enforcements. From my children who taught me what it meant to be selfless to the love of my life that made me yearn to be a better woman, mother, and human being. I love you all.

Angelaism # 3 Stalking... or being attentive?

It's only stalking when you don't like him. If you do like him, then he's attentive.



Firstly, let me point out the obvious. Most men think women are walking contradictions, claim we don't know what we want, or that we confuse the hell out of them.  (Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars anyone??)
Case in point.  A "man", one in which a female shall remain unnamed told me about is "stalking" her.  I asked ever so innocently what qualified as stalking. Advisement was made that the ogre (unsure if she likes him she says!) called her everyday, creeped her out when he showed up at her workplace, and suggesting they take a weekend vacay after only 4 weeks of dating!  At this juncture, I believe she was looking at me to give the female sign of approval.. you know the eyeroll in agreement as if I can't fathom how he dare suggest that. But me being me, I asked her why it bothered her so much.

"Welllllll".....  "I really don't know if I want to continue to date him, I don't if he's a keeper".

Hmmmm. Yes, I thought but why is it stalking?

I challenge her:  " Dear friend, if it was Mr. Big, (you know the one, the love of your life, the one where you just can't get it right but would absolutely jump at any minute gesture as a sign of love and attention) What would you say??".

She looked at be blankly.  "Well, I love HIM, but that's different".




Truth be told:
Men, you are right, women are walking contradictions and they apply different schools of  thought to various situations so that it makes them feel better and fits into  their argument. 


Having said that, at the end of the conversation she says she has to go replay that voicemail from Mr. Big over again and again and again.. You know the one where he says  'Hey, it's me, gimme a call'.." I need to hear if he's smiling, sounding like he needs me, or if he sounds like he wants to get back together"....  

Angelaism #2

You can't go changing the score when the game is over.


You can't go changing the score when the game is over. Right?  In athletic game, once the scoreboard shows the double 0's indicating game end and the  buzzer sounds it's over.  Finito. Officially. The participants can't go back and score another touchdown.


While playing this game called life, one needs to make sure they are at their best, working out, inching for every yard, and carrying the pigskin tightly. There is always someone watching you, scrutinizing your every play, seeing if you make mistakes, looking for improvement and player development.  Like any recruiter or any drunk man nursing a beer at the corner watering hole, someone is dissecting every move you make, every dance you do, waiting to either uphold your abilities and claim you as number one draft pick, or wanting to advise you that you are ready for retirement and a set of golf clubs before you even put on your girdle.

Plan. Prepare. Prioritize.  Your playboard can be erased, but your life can't. Have good people on your team. Take direction well and step up and call your own plays when you have to. Know that on one side of the field your goal posts awaits; and you have it in view. Work hard to get there and celebrate at the end. 

Witticisms

Not to long ago in the recent past I created "Angelaisms" via my Facebook page;  Little nuggets of wisdom from the mind of me. Compiled from actual experiences they were brought to blogger fruition in an attempt to create my own personal philosophy. My thoughts on life, love, relationships and positivity.  Dry humor and wit often included.

 My first Angelaism posted wasn't actually titled as an Angelaism and wasn't numbered, however it was the catalyst of my collection. 

So many people are blinded by their own subjectivity. Closed minds don't get fed either.

Great one isn't it?  My reaction to people overreacting based on personal experience, the baggage the carry, and how they are affected is one of confusion because it is somewhat hypocritical because I too, often react from the heart and not the mind. BUT, if I consciously have my mind set to "filter" I can usually set aside those thoughts and react evenly, and objectively. I have to think about it of course, but I CAN do it. And you can to. The strength is in the choice.

If you are presented with an ideal or idea that is not your own, do not shut down and immediately take another person's wisdom and throw it in the mental circular file. Everyone has something to teach, and everyone has something to learn. If you close your mind, you can' feed your mind. If you can't feed your mind, your can't thrive. Thriving is good. It means you are growing.  The education of the mind should only end when the  body carrying it fails to breathe and support it's function.

Stop letting your own subjectivity prevent you from acquiring more wisdom.  That my friends, is the mark of true intelligence and virtue.

Departure.

Can you ever fully mentally prepare yourself for something you don't want to happen?

  How do you get ready for the windfall, for the let down, for the absence?   Reactions being planned is completely unnatural to me. I don't want to plan to not get upset, plan to not cry, plan to hold my head high. I just want to feel what I want to feel at that  moment. I want to be my organic, raw self. I don't want to change me,  I don't want to hold back, or remain calm, or not go down without fighting. I don't want to let you go and I will be damned if I don't try to make you stay. I will not have regrets, I will no be afraid to lose you in my hysteria.