Departure.

Can you ever fully mentally prepare yourself for something you don't want to happen?

  How do you get ready for the windfall, for the let down, for the absence?   Reactions being planned is completely unnatural to me. I don't want to plan to not get upset, plan to not cry, plan to hold my head high. I just want to feel what I want to feel at that  moment. I want to be my organic, raw self. I don't want to change me,  I don't want to hold back, or remain calm, or not go down without fighting. I don't want to let you go and I will be damned if I don't try to make you stay. I will not have regrets, I will no be afraid to lose you in my hysteria.