In Everything There is Evolution....

What is evolution?  Not in the scientific sense but in the more abstract sense as it applies to our own personal development; how we see ourselves and the people around us.

I often wonder why we give everyone else a hard time when they make mistakes of falter. After all, we are constantly evolving and changing. As life progresses so do we. Sometimes we transgress and that is okay too.  Life is but a bunch of hills, sometimes we go up, sometimes we go down. There's always another level of terrain off in the distance to deal with too.

I wish that we would accept others as we accept ourselves. We are most critical of ourselves but we are also more accepting of ourselves when we make mistakes. We are quicker to forgive ourselves as well.  But why, do we hold on to resentment towards others so much more? One should really think about this as it pertains to them individually.

No one on this earth is exempt from falling. What we can do is understand the difference between ideals and reality.  The difference between good change and bad change.  The evolution of our lives does not end except in death. (we think!) So we never reach that ideal of perfection that we created in our minds. What we can do is find security in the fact that we are always in a stage of betterment and improvement. Our development is relative to our beliefs.  We believe, we become.

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Truth be Told: We are no better than the people we criticize. We all evolve and change with the times, with the people in our lives and the experiences we encounter. It helps to realize that others are fighting the cycles too. It's the process of life. 

Quantifying Love

Love is not love until you give it away. Not true. Not exactly.  You can harbor love, you can let love live in your heart and grow like itty bitty seedling until you are ready to give it away.  But you must. It's always there, sometimes it's knocking to get out and other times it just kinda lays dormant until someone is on the outside waiting to get in. Don't ever miss your opportunity or be stingy with what you have inside of you.

People hold back their love for such a varied array of reasons. I can only know why I may have at times, and wonder about every one else. Most do it out of fear, a lot probably don't even know why they are so guarded but you have to ask yourself why. And then you have to ask yourself what you are waiting for.  It's not like it runs out. Love never runs out, time however, will. It's the one thing we have in life that that is always available in plenitude. It's funny how some never use what God has given them for free to pass on to others.
 No one says you have to give it all away to one person.. or even to a member of the opposite sex.. give your love to a neighbor, a child, a stranger.. in your own way. Pay it forward with love and it will come back to you. I can attest to that. Problem with people is, they only choose to see love as something that only comes to them in quantity massive. Love comes around all the time, in quiet ways; you just have to look for it and it will be there to find you.

Truth be Told: Love is the only thing that feels just as good giving it away as it does receiving it. Don't waste moments not putting it out into the world for others to enjoy.

Who are you today? Tomorrow?

How do you define yourself?  

How would others define you?

If they aren't matching, you aren't being honest with either with yourself, or them. 

If you are authentically you, your values, beliefs, actions will match whether you are at home or in the public eye. Your schools of thought and opinions should not change whether you are in the company of one or a couple dozen. You should not have to remember what you said just to keep your story straight. If you are honest, you don't have to worry about keeping up with yourself.

People's opinions can evolve and change yes, but not from person to person, from day to day. The process comes about from enlightenment or something that personally affected them forcing them to change their platform.  Once you have a belief, you usually hold onto for years, often forever. I would be suspect of anyone that changed their feelings, values, or morals like they change their socks.  

Having said that, if you are two(or three, or four) people among many you should ask yourself why. It usually can be found within those little crevices within your brain that you don't like to journey to.  

Truth be Told: Be you. With all your idiosyncrasies, faults, and quirks. We like you better that way anyway.  Please don't go being what you think is the accepted well-liked norm.  Your opinion and idea of what that is will probably be wrong anyway!

Imagi-Nation.

At a very you age, we start believing that an alternative life or a life not our own is better than what we have. Why?   Little girls grown up playing dress up, Barbie, Kings and Queens, and all sorts of imaginative  role playing games.. While we try and expand their little minds, are we also hurting their esteem?  Are we telling them that  physical beauty, class, or power is paramount ?  What's going on in your castle?

If we are not also being their advisers as to what reality is their mindsets will be that superficial riches are what they should be striving for. And when real life doesn't pan out the way it does in their imaginations, they will experience let down.   Let down turns into a poor confidence. Poor confidence turns into an injured spirit.

I see young and even grown adults modeling the above behavior so don't be quick to say it's no big deal if we let the young and impressionable do it. If adults value  exotic cars, wads of cash,  bevies of women, and expensive clothes over moral values we really should be taking a review of what we are unknowingly showing our children.

All I am saying is be careful with what we show the little ones, they can't  decipher a need and a want until we teach them, and if we aren't teaching them they aren't learning it.  When is the last time the TV told them that all they need is shelter, clothes, and food?

I have said that my primary focus is to raise my children to be decent, good human beings; That is number one.  I attempt to teach them what real value means, what real life is, and that a stupid climb up a ladder or where you are at on some totem pole has zero to do with success. Neither does how you look,  what you possess materialistically, or how popular you are.


Truth be Told: When we teach our little girls to be princesses and queens let them know to  be the     sweet princess, the one that loves, is kind, friendly and accepting.   Don't let her  be the princess that runs the Mean Girls Club.  Attitude does not mean rolling your eyes or neck telling people how it is, attitude means the ability to know how to use grace, intelligence, and kindness to say what you want. A queen exalts herself, not by belittling others but by uplifting them.  Make sure you are injecting reality into your children's life. That's what I do in my castle anyway. After all, I am the queen of it even if it's just a 20 year old condo sans a moat and drawbridge.

Now.

.So I asked my 6 year old daughter to give me a topic to write on and she said:
       " Now.".

 And to her I said:
                         "Yes, of course now."

 She followed up with :
                            "Noooooo mom, write about now, like what's happening nooow."

  Ahhhhhhh,.. Okay I got it.


Now. The present. The current goings on, thoughts, words, actions. We only exist in the now, right now. We cannot exist tomorrow unless we get through right now.  Now, is as absolute as one can get.  Nothing happens now, everything happens now.  We cannot recreate that moment of now, the next moment is the future. Section it by seconds or nano second  or an other scant number, it can not be relived.

Knowing that this moment of time will never come about again make sure to fill it with things, people, activities, and such that are truly enjoyable and bring about happiness.  Take now to do what you always wanted to do; Take now to tell someone what you always wanted to tell them; Take now to have the fun you know you should be having.

Truth be Told: Now is the time to live.  Breathe in life without too many regrets. Now is what matters and what you do now will change your later. Remember that now is really the only guarantee there is and you can't do it over, not now, not ever.

Challenges

When you encounter a challenging situation or person, what to you do?  Do you shy away and run for the mountains or do you face it like Superman to an oncoming locomotive? By not doing anything do you think that the problem will fix it self or disappear? Do you grow complacent waiting to make a decision only to see your window of opportunity closed?  While you cannot prevent the inevitable you can improve your chances at avoiding disaster by at least making an attempt to circumvent or solve your problem.

If a person is creating the challenge, ask yourself if you are looking through objective eyes or if you are just being judgemental. If you don't like your co-worker you may be apt to complain about their work. Just make sure their work is worth complaining about before you go flapping your gums. Furthermore, make sure yours is up to par or otherwise you look like not only a complain but a hypocrite!

How about another example? If you habitually  fail at a diet, ask your self where and when you falter and list the things that nudge you towards over eating or not exercising. You have to put yourself in favorable positions.  That means if someone asks you out for ice cream, you say no. Don't put yourself in a situation to falter.

What about money? Often this is some one's biggest challenge often because they can't seem to convince themselves that they CAN save or do without.   It's needs versus wants here for the most part. Try to eliminate the conveniences with a little planning and you will save a lot of money.   Coffee, fast food, extra fees at the ATM, office lunches.

Of course these are just some examples but the gist there, you get it.

 Truth be Told: If a situation did not pan out the way you want, or if you fall short of your goal, go back an reevaluate what steps you could have changed, eliminated, or added. Having said that,   Planning on how to attack the challenges is the best way to prevent or over come them. Do not wait for shit to hit the fan and you are sitting there with a goofy look on your face saying  "What the hell?!?!"

Healthy Boundaries and the Step Parent

 Ay dios mio.

What role should a step parent play in your child's life? Assuming you are the custodial full time parent, a step parent should merely be supportive towards the facilitating of the relationship between the non- custodial parent and the child. The step parent should understand their role and know the unspoken rules of the parenting relationship.

 What happens when the step parent oversteps the healthy boundaries of that married into relationship? Sure, love the child, buy the child gifts, spend time with the child, make the day to day decision while the child is in your care. The step parent is not required to make life decisions for the child that already has two involved parents.  There is no requirement for a third party decision maker when there are two competent parents who are actively involved in the child's life.

There is no need to assert your self and "claim your territory" as the step parent. In most cases, you are a step parent simply because you married someone that had children from a previous relationship or marriage. As blatantly cruel that sounds, it's also factually correct.  It  does not give you Carte Blanche to dictate your" rights". In the  eyes of the law, there are no rights for the step parent.  In my opinion and absent extraordinary circumstances, such as when one of the biological parents is absent and the step parent becomes the other active decision maker.nurturer/provider , I'm sure that the powers that be designed the law that way for a whole collective of reasons.

 I've seen both sides of the spectrum, I have been a step parent to a young lady who didn't have a mother and now I have someone who is the step parent to my daughter. It's challenging no matter what side you are on. What I have always known and understood is the role that I played as a step parent; even when  I was the only mother, I knew I could not replace someones biological mother and did what I could to try and facilitate a relationship even though I disagreed with the mother's absence. You do what you can for the child, within reasonable, healthy bounds.

 For the new step parent,  you must understand that your job is to be supportive to your spouse and  to the decisions that are made by the parents of that child.  Often step parents feel like  they need to "compete" or try hard to gain the respect of the child, the spouse, or other parent. This is not and never has been about the step parent. The child is the primary focus and the decisions that are made should be made in the best interest of the child, not self interest of the step parent. Trust in your spouse, have confidence in your spouse,  and respect your spouse enough that he or she can make the decisions with his parent partner successfully without you checking him.

Truth be Told: Step parenting is meant to be a supportive role, not a replacement role. 

Goal Processing

How do you accomplish your goals?

With time, perseverance, promise and diligence. Whether your goal is small and short range or lofty and long term, you need these four elements to bring them to fruition.

Grant yourself the time to achieve your goal. Pushing yourself and putting unrealistic demands on yourself will only discourage you and prevent you from finishing. Be clear, but don't waste the precious commodity either.  Set a reasonable time frame for yourself.

Nothing good ever came easy or so they say. There is time when nothing will seem to go right and the devil on your should will be rooting for you to throw in the towel. This is not the time to give up. It is the time to start pressing harder and  tightening the belt. Remember, you don't get that far and then just give up.  Arm yourself mentally on how to fight off failure.

Declare a promise to see yourself through to the end.  Hold yourself accountable by telling others what you are doing so they too can hold you accountable. It's one thing to fear personal failure, it's another to  fail in front of someone else. Funny motivator, but often successful.

The tortoise beat the hare because he didn't stop fighting. He knew if he just kept moving, albeit slow, that he would make it to the finish line. Be diligent in your endeavor and work consistently towards achieving it. When you're giving your concerted self to something, in effect your are saying you are devoting the efforts required for success. 

Truth be Told: Goals are challenging things that require more than the average contribution. Your game plan is necessary and you must create one fostered in favor and not failure. From the onset, your determination must be high and steadfast.  To rise up to the challenge, you must know that it will take time, sweat equity, mental stamina, and temperance.

Doubt

People will doubt you.. perhaps some will doubt you more than the ones that believe you. You could have 10 people doubting you, but you need only one to believe you. Guess who?  Gander in the mirror.

And for the people that doubt you, let that be a motivator. Prove them incorrect. Get your quiet satisfaction that comes with overcoming your obstacles. It's not your mouth that speaks loudest, it's the accomplishments.  No need for hurrahs; no need for pomp.  Whether they acknowledge it or not, they know.  How do they know? People are terrible actors. Read on, readers.

 We people, are better at being perceptive than we are nonchalant.  You can't "act" perceptive, we are that inherently. You can however "act" nonchalant. It's a practiced behavior that we partake in to display to others that we don't give a rat's ass... even though we do.  There will be people that dislike you for your successes. There will be  people acting like they don't see you. They refuse to give you kudos or due credit. There will be people that actively doubt you but yearn to possess what you exhibit. They watch you, and the minute you eff up, they are quick to point it out and they start feverishly penning the prologue of your story. Much of it, probably fiction.

Truth Be Told: Doubt is also a debilitator. It can take away the  very core of your strength...if you let it. If your faith is not bigger than your fear, than doubt will overtake you.  Do not let another's doubt define you.   Pick up the pen yourself, write your own rough draft, make your corrections, write your prologue,  your chapters, and YOUR happy ending..

Running in Circles

I often hear people saying that they need a change of locale, change of lifestyle, change of people in their lives to make some sort of progress towards happiness. Sure, these fixes can put temporary  band aids on life's ailments but they do not cure unhappiness or discontent. YOU, your outlook, your responses to the stimuli that provoke negativity is what changes your life.

I guess most think that when you eliminate the "bad" that the good will come. I say that you add the good and the bad will rid itself naturally. We all deserves breathers and breaks from the toils, but then it's right back to living, dealing, and working it out.

There has to be an internal process in change. You have to realign and redirect your thoughts. You have to be proactive so that you minimize the onslaught of drama. This doesn't always mean elimination!  Practice adding things to your life that multiply your happiness.  Doesn't have to fancy ,doesn't have to be involved, it just has to feel good.  That positive stimuli, and the more often you do it or receive it, creates an environment for it to happen again. You will desire it, so you will work (sometimes unknowingly) towards it.   Put yourself in that space, but remain in place. A fresh start starts with a thought, it doesn't mean you have to put your house up for sale and move to the woods of South Dakota or Oregon. Your problems will still be in your head.

Truth be Told: Running only is successful when you are passing a baton, or heading towards the uprights. Sometimes running just involves going around in circles repetitively, and not getting anywhere.  Change the game plan, not the course. You'll get there.

Dreams.

Should we only believe in our dreams if they are reasonably attainable? Should we apply logic and then if the logic doesn't fit forgo the dream?  I say no.  All dreams that come true started out as a wish. Then ended as a dream come true because you put in the work to get there.

If you set yourself a goal you must also put in the work.  You must apply yourself, put your self in favor and remain focused.  You cannot afford many slips. But if you do, grow from them. If it's something you want to get better at, look at someone who you think is already the best at it. Do what they do. (and no it's not  copying, it's being smart and resourceful). Now watch someone who is bad at it, and avoid those pitfalls. Align yourself with the like-minded and steer clear from the absent-minded.

If you fail, you haven't tried hard enough.  DO OVER. Repeat if necessary.

Don't get discouraged and don't listen to the naysayers and the negative.

Remember that hard work begets great things. No work begets no things.

Truth be Told:  You dream. You believe. You activate. You plan. You work. You achieve.  You win.

17 Random Thoughts from a Chronic Thinker

•  Happiness is in your head; where you create it.
• Why do we let a little rain take away our sunshine?
•  Some people really do have nobody but themselves.
•   I see evolution through history, but I also see transgression.
•   The intricate operation and precision of my working, breathing, functioning body is enough proof to to me think there is something greater out there.
•  Normal people are crazy.
•   You gain intelligence by instruction, you gain wisdom by experiencing. 
•   There is far pleasure to be found than pain.  
•   Kismet connections exist.
•   All dreams that come true were once just wishes. 
•  Self doubt is a killer.
• Bullying is fear personified.
•   "Love is never having to say your sorry" is BS. Love is the often the only reason you need to     say it.......so say it.
•   Evidence is everything, notions and "gut feelings" are not.
•   Anger is just pain coming to the surface.
•  We take flight far more than we fight.
• No one knows you like you know yourself.

Evil money

Money isn't the root to all evil, it IS the evil. It will make someone forget what scruples are, what love is and it screws up the damn hierarchy of importance.  If you ask me what sustains me,  I will say hope, love, relationships and then money.  When you go messing around with the natural order of the cosmos and start letting the money motivate you, you can potentially (and often) lose the love and relationships that you have gained or built along the way or worse yet, miss out on it all together.

I understand the importance of money for sustenance and even nice things, I get it. But why, do some people allow money to dominate their lives, their conversations, and their relationships? It's paper that holds power. Paper shouldn't hold power. We slave for it, we bust ass for it, we sacrifice for it, but we don't do this for people that we love? What's wrong here??

If money had a thought process it would subscribe to the divide and conquer theory. It will divide people, nations, and families.  People will fight for money, but not fight for love. They will go to war often because of money and it's associated power, but not for injustice. (at least not in this country anyway!)

It puts a heavy heave of sadness on this poor little rich soul to know people in my life that are like this.

Truth be Told:  If I had a choice, I'd rather be noble without money, than powerful with it.

The Value of a Compliment

 So I was thinking....and reading...and observing..... and wondering....and realizing...

I  loathe the empty compliment that is only intended to satiate and placate the receiver.

 "O M G Betty, your fluorescent yellow polka dotted, frilly, furry, coat that hugs you in all the wrong places  is sooooooooooo cute!"

I love the genuine compliment. 


"Betty, that coat is a one of a kind find, what a treasure!"  This statement  isn't so ummmmm...  esoteric?

Yes, the latter does something to satisfy the recipient but it also sounds believable Yes,  it's politically correct and safe  but at least  it doesn't quite translate to:

 I'm just trying to make her feel better so I will overcompensate and use all sorts of exaggerated eye movements and pet her coat and draw out my ooooooo in 'cute' and end it with an exclamation and question her where she got it.

 Truth be Told:  There is very little value in the superfluous, sell out compliment.  

Bad Memories Be Gone!

Memories are our connection to the past.  It's our way of fondly remember something or someone; at least the good ones  'cause that's easy.  But what about the not so great memories, the ones that we try and push to the back of your minds hoping they will never stir up again? All a sudden and sometimes out of nowhere, there is something that brings that ill memory forward and we are  forced to recall an event, an unfortunate incident, regret or even a heartbreak.  The guilt sets in. The sadness weighs heavy on your heart, or the disappoint looms over you like a black cloud.  We will replay the series of happenings over and over and perhaps evening redoing how it  could have happened instead. We retrofit the characters to satiate our "What ifs" and we change the time line with the "If only I hads" just to wonder if it would have all panned out differently. We blame other parties for things we were  prompted or compelled to do. We claim that that it was someone else's fault and do little to bear the burden ourselves. Perhaps it's our way to justify it all but really, we can't change these occurences. We can't rewrite a memory, but we can always write a new story.

Truth be Told: It makes absolutely zero sense to continue to revisit a past you can't ever go back to and change.  The past has passed.   Prove yourself wrong that you can rid yourself of the burdens and rise to meet the challenge of not letting the same story be written. 

Pace, Progress, and the Pursuit of Perfection.

 Perfection is a misnomer, it does not exist. The quest  for the ideal may, but the actual nirvana of where nothing goes wrong, people don't fail, roadblocks don't appear, and you have everything you could ever hope to buy?  That doesn't happen.

 I used to think that if my children didn't get straight A's in school that they would somehow end up in the gutter. I used to to think if I couldn't have a BMW when I grew up that I would be destined to living a  Gremlin hatchback lifestyle where I roam the country in tattered Levi's and flip flops. I always daydreamed of a fabulous lifestyle of me on the back of a yacht cruising parallel down the coast of South Beach drinking my de rigeur cocktail throwing my head back with  a casual, carefree laugh.  It was either this extreme or that extreme and nothing in the middle The middle to me meant mediocrity, it meant I was going to be like everyone else who just fell under the radar and not making any splashes.

And then...

I grew up and realized that happiness and progress aren't tied to superficial things or attaining things that defined with terms like number one , the  best, Valedictorian, (I wasn't even close!)  president or dare I say it whether I have  Christian Louboutins or a Christian Dior purse.  Don't get me wrong, I still pine after those things, but that's just fun now.  My life is "perfect" right now as it is. And even if it were to take a down slide, it would still be "perfect" as  imperfect as it looks on paper.  Why ? Oh, I will tell you, you know that by now reader. Right? Right.

If you are moving in the right direction, if you are getting better than you once were- the "perfection" is in the development; it's in the progress.  It's the your desire to want to be a better human being. It's in your desire to increase your thoughtfulness, your ethic, your loyalties, your parenting skill sets;  It's in your practice to set goals. It's in your practice to improve. It's  in your wants to be more mindful or to pay it forward. If you are aware of your abilities and accomplish what your intended then you are earning your "A". It may take the tortoise longer to get to the finish line than the hare, but the tortoise still got there. He accomplished the exact same thing, it just took a little bit longer. God isn't looking at how fast you accomplish something, he just looks to see if you fulfilled your purpose here on the planet you inhabit.

Someone told me that I should not fret if something if my children don't understand conceptually what I am trying to teach them as fast as I think they should. That everyone  develops at their own pace and as long as their foundation is solid, as long as they embody the important values that I am teaching them that it's not gong to matter Isabella forgets to wash her face or color in the lines or whether Jock leaves his shorts on the floor.  The chores themselves don't matter. Getting straight A's isn't necessary. The A's can be earned, Isabella can stay in the lines, both the kids can keep a tidy room IF the use  with the grunt work, the ethic, the determination and performance of those ideals with consistency. << That is what I am trying to teach them. They will get it.  It is simply not going to matter if Jock understand Pythagorean theory or that quantum physics BS.

Truth be Told:  Progress just has to be on pace, which means moving in the proper direction . That is the only qualifier to perfecting it. Don't listen to the naysayers who insist you need to be driving you car around the track the fastest to win. Sometimes your car  breaks down or runs out of fuel.  You replenish and fill up, and keep it moving around the track and can still beat the driver who had pole position. The finish flag is in your sights. 

Cerebral Chaos

Most all suffer. We all have times when we suffer from brain overload.  Some many thoughts churn, ideas form,  memories to file away, things to ponder, outcomes to play over, plans to make, questions to ask.

A overactive brain is a good thing. It tells me that one is not superficial or one dimensional.  You may be over analytical but shouldn't  we be? And in most cases it pays to be that way. It can stop us from making a wrong turn ( literally or figuratively), it can make us temper our impulses or forecast a scenario's outcome in our head before we take action.

Just think if you didn't have a plethora of information moving around up there. THEN you may have a problem and have to get your IQ tested.

So what if one jumps from one thought to another. Some call you a scatterbrain.  What does that mean? Since when does order play a role or in someone's intelligence? Isn't it what they know and how they apply what they know? If God had created the cart before the horse would that mean the horse wouldn't know how to lead the cart? No. If you eat breakfast for dinner or Oreos for an appetizer does that mean a thing? No. Order in the brain (and often in life) is inconsequential.  Unless you are having babies at 80 and wearing adult diapers at 20.

To some your thoughts appear organized and well thought out.  A lot of time there is a lot going on up in  your noggin that you may have to  sift through to get something out in a seemingly rational, non- partisan manner. It often takes work, but ultimately it all means the same thing; It just may translate different after you have edited your  private thoughts!  (okay these "you's" and "your's" should really be "my's", lol)

This all probably sounds jumbled and scatterbrained and I guess that is the point!

Truth be told: Your cerebral chaos is a sign of an active mind. An active mind always is open to learn. When you are open to learn, you further your knowledge. When you further your knowledge you gain wisdom. And that makes you like.... uber awesome.

What's Your Legacy?

When we raise our children we must remember that even the seemingly insignificant things have great meaning. Many teaching tools are unspoken acts in which we show them how to live, how to love, how to empathize, how to react. Modeling  the behavior is the most powerful tool that we as parents can utilize. While some fret over what to say, be just as mindful as to how to say it or how to show it.

 I am sure that no child will care whether you describe  copulation and reproduction as an ovum and a sperm meeting for tickle time, or what mommy and daddy do when they love each other.  The gentleness in which we advise, the care that we show in not making them feel uncomfortable, the engagement of the child in the the conversation or activity are all vital in the rearing of great human beings. Be cognizant. Be interested. Teach them how to be loving by showing them love. You can't feign that, saying I love you is not enough.  Showing that you are genuinely interested in them is what you should be doing. It doesn't make you a great parent if you put your kid in football or cheer leading.. It makes you a great parent if you attend those games or that cheer leading competition. You HAVE to be their biggest supporter and advocate.

 When you advocate  for your child you are showing them they are worthy, when you are supporting their dreams it shows them you believe in them. When you sacrifice for them you are teaching them humility. When you openly  openly apologize for an error you may have made you are showing them accountability.

While it is true that most parents subscribe to the "Do as I say, not as I do" mentality, they are the last ones to know that their kid stopped believing the hype when they were old enough to discern right from wrong. Any parent that thinks a child isn't aware of their hypocrisy needs to peel their peepers.  Either that or check into the reality hotel. Kids get it!

Truth be told: The journey that you travel throughout life ends when God calls you home. HOW you travel during your journey is your legacy you leave to your children and that will thrive long after you are gone.

Sunshine On A Cloudy Day??? YES!!!

If you go so long without crying or stumbling over a little bit of unhappiness, do you grow suspect?
Are you waiting for the ax to drop because you know you are not that  "lucky"?  Have you inherited this mindset of always thinking something bad is going to happen to you on the regular? Stinkin' thinkin' I declare!  STOP thinking your life is a slew of pitfalls and upsets. Your mindset can often determine the outcome.  Why and how?   Who knows.  That mystery has prompted people to write books about it, philosophize about it, and thank God for it,  but I am not quite sure I have a definitive reason myself.  But I do know that being on the negative side of things doesn't help you in the least.  You don't agree?  Good time to start a'changin'!  I do know that it does cause a lot of undue stress by worrying about things that haven't even happened yet!

 If you do feel so inclined to be suspicious about something or someone, make sure it has a valid basis.   Has it actually happened? Do conditions make it favorable.... 100% favorable?  If  there isn't a 100% chance of rain there is always a chance it won't happen.  Live on the  sunny side of the weather report. Don't set someone or something up for failure before they even sit down to take the test.

Truth be told: Ain't no sense worrying about the tornado until it gets here.  Even if it looks like it is on the fast path directly to you, it more often than not turns away.  Don't get  caught up in a a cyclone of negativity about something that doesn't even exist in the present.   Remember, sometimes no news is good news.

America.

I have been reflecting,weeping, goosebumping, clenching my chest, and carrying a heavier heart today. I will do so over the next  couple of days I am certain.
At the same time, my pride for my country, it's military, it's selfless first responders, and anyone who gave of themselves on 9/11  lives within me and resonating loud.

At this symbolic time, I felt completely compelled to change up my writing style, lose the wit, lose the sarcasm, lose the quasi brash and honor my America.  I do so with a short poem that I just completed. I'm not a prolific writer of poetry to begin with if you are talking technicalities.(or really any other  point that makes a jumble of words constitute a poem!)  However, the quintessential prose is not about technicalities but about heart the inspires it and molds it into something relatable.  The personal heart pour is the only requirement.

America

The enemy knows not the unyielding strength of  her heart,

nor the fortitude of her pride,

not the abundance of her army

nor the swift justice

of our America.

The enemy can not besiege us

or take our freedoms, liberties or rights.

The enemy can test our  resilience,

but it cannot take our will.

The enemy may wear our fabric thin,

but our America will continue to  weave our dream.

Our America was built on our families;

a collective of beliefs and tenets

that forged our way to personal freedoms

and pursuits of happiness.

Whether in agreement or in protest

we all call her home.

Home is where your heart is and my heart

is here.

In America.

God bless ALL her children.

God bless America.

Truth be told: Reflect on the tragedy to remember our tenacity. Our country, our America, is our home.  You don't have to love your leader to love your country.  Remember the fallen and honor the remaining fighting for us today. 

Time is of the essence, realize that!

Stop lamenting, complaining, explaining that you don't have time.

Often we need to remember just to remember to do stuff.... to see people, to do this, or to do that, make a phone call that has already been delayed umpteen times. You get the drift. Why?  Because you do it. You make excuses on why you can't do something just because it makes the guilt a little bit lighter. Right?

There are so many things that get lost in the shuffle of life that are worth doing. We tend to devote time to things/people that are not worth the devotion. It's really meaningless whether we miss "our show", or don't get a chance to sleep that literal extra minute. We set aside time to do nothing but haven't seen our  loved ones in months, sometimes years because we  "don't have time". Well, restructure your time..... Welllllllll heck!... you don't even have to do that much, because everyone has time. It's whether or not you make it a priority.  The president makes time for his family and is he not one of the  busiest individuals currently walking the planet? Take a look at how  you spend your time. How many times a day do you sit down and fiddle with Facebook, play video games, stagnate around the house until you feel like getting up? We waste an awful lot of seconds, minutes, hours, and days just doing nothing where we could be fitting in more meaningful, constructive things.

 So why aren't we doing it?

Do one thing today that you say you can never do because " you don't have time.". In a week or two, tackle another one.  Whether it's a phone call, a visit, some spring cleaning, writing, or starting a new hobby. And stop making the excuses that you can't, you can. You just haven't felt it important enough to do. Be real with yourself and perhaps the guilt will trip you into progress. It'll be a good trip.


Truth be told: For every day you are living  you are dying. Fill the spot on earth that you inhabit  with the people that matter, the things that matter, and fulfilling ventures that mean something.   

PPT

Powerful Positive Thinking.

I didn't coin the initialism.  (side note,albeit early, the difference between an initialism and an acronym is that an initialism can't be sounded out, as an acronym can i.e. Rainbow P.U.S.H colalition, this could be a Jeopardy question one day!).  A friend however  did and I regret to admit that I didn't practice this much today although my urge was totally there and I tried to remember my little mantra when I got frustrated today, I succumbed to the disparity. Grrr. Mad at myself!

Remembering is the easy part, it's putting it into action that can be challenging during certain moments.  Case in point, I do not like when the general public calls me and pigeon holes me into being the government as if the government was a living, breathing body sitting behind a desk.  Although I am indeed employed by the government, I do have my own DNA. I breathe.  I have debt sure, but not a trillion dollars worth!   It's "you people" do this and "you people" have a new 3 million dollar  city hall, and "you people" just want us to go without, etc.  Listen, if  I had my choice, I'd feed everybody, deliver water and electric for free, and give away free turkeys for Thanksgiving AND Christmas.. But alas, I am but one person who bears the brunt of other people's suitcases full of drama. I lack the power what can I say?

So often, people forget that you really do get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar. True enough, you must add a sprig of persistence but I assure you, you are nice to me than I in turn will be nice to you.  Whether you are an engineer (who really can't see anything in the abstract sense, grrrr ), a contractor, a person on welfare with one limb and 10 kids, I will treat you all the same provided you reciprocate. It 's not rocket science. (sorry Mr. Engineer).

Sooooo, having relieved myself of my own suitcase load of lovely,  I assume my powerful, positive thinking right now this moment!

Truth be told: Sometimes trying is not succeeding, that doesn't mean one should give up. Regroup, restructure and repeat. 

Confess Up!

Confession #1  I love Hello Kitty and pawn it off on my 6 year old daughter who doesn't love it nearly as much as I do.   Oh well, guess the cat is out of the bag on that one.


Confession #2 When I'm too lazy to vacuum out my vehicle I just brush the carpet with a bristle brush.  This is actually a good idea, dammit!


Confession #3  I'm a hypochondriac of sorts. So far I think I "have" at least 22 different definable conditions.  They probably all go back to my over ingestion of Phenylalanine, the amino acid chemically isolated and added to the wonderful, joyous, ever refreshing beverage I imbibe on the daily called Diet Coke.  But I continue to tell myself it's other things 'cause I'm not determined enough to kick the darn drink habit.

Confession #4  I'm convinced that everything is better in pairs, or by 2's. Refer to confession #3.  My favorite number used to be 2, but when you put another 2 next  to it, 22, doesn't that give you better luck?  I tell myself it does.  2 people make for great conversation, 2 people to play a tennis match, 2 people to play cards, 2 x 2 on the ark, hey.... wait... why didn't fish and water animals survive the flood?  Did they get on the ark?.......?..............? OCD and ADD  <--- Hey, that's  a pair!

Confession #5  I cannot sew. Not nary a button so I rely on Liquid Stitch,  safety pins, earrings, or rubber bands.  Or whatever else can hold my clothes together in a pinch.

Confession #6  I HATE the sound of a woman's heel when the heel tap has come off her high heeled shoe.  I call it the "Ghetto Click".. you know how it sounds metal-y from the nail that is in the heel click-clacking down the tiled hallway.  I know you know what I am talking about. Stop doing it!  I have at  least 6 pairs awaiting a cobbler/shoe repair person to get fixed for that reason alone.


Confession #7 I will never stop believing in the good of human nature, no matter how vile the world gets.  It's so much easier to see life through your soul instead of your eyes.

Truth be told: Self deprecation is a "good for your soul "practice. It equates with humility. 

Accept Your Imperfections.

 We  all are everything we say we are not, and we all are everything we sometimes don't want to be. We are fallible, our nature will be fret with foibles, and our lives will be laced with less than sound decisions.  Don't beat yourself to a pulp over it. It hurts!  Accept that we are created imperfect and strive for your own definition of  righteousness and just self. Do not allow someone else to write your definition. Tell yourself who you are and act upon it.  Know your mission statement is sealed through your actions, your words, your miss-steps, your misfortunes, your selections, your opinions, your decisions, your shortcomings and your abilities to recover.  You encompass a slew of positives and negatives, positives not always good and negatives not always so bad.  This is what creates the beauty of the human being. Love the quirk. Hate the quest for idyllic person/self, there is none. Keep your vehicle of life moving.

All human beings have their own set of idiosyncrasies and imperfections. Acceptance is realization and full cognitive awareness that you are willing to  take someone  "as is".  I find that people that don't accept others do not accept themselves either and remain in a constant state of self-loathing because they never measure up to their own unrealistic expectations of who they should be. I witness these people unhappy, bitter, and mean-spirited. They may never stop to wonder what drives their disdain, for they are too caught up in their own web of self-hatred to ever love or accept another. They blame everyone else and claim victim status every chance they get.  They weep endlessly, remain in a purposeful funk and just stay there nursing their cocktail of shame and regret while the paddle down the river of whoa on their self inflatable boat of discontent.  The sun never shines in their world because  their weather report is always a mix of clouds and high percentages of rain. Why? Because they don't accept themselves "as is".  Being  "as is" doesn't mean you are marked down or less valuable, it means you are human.  When these people fall short of their own self-proclaimed ideology, they grow depressed because they are reaching for a height that does not exist.

I am happy to be "as is".  I love being a little eccentric, a little off-kilter, a little different.  I accept myself wholly.  Do you?


Truth be Told: Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexities and injustices.  -Paul Tournier

Debunk Defeat.

For a gallant spirit there can never be defeat.

Now I don't know who Wallis Simpson is but he had  some wise words, don't ya reckon?

You must refuse to fail. You don't have to  accept hindrances, roadblocks, and the like. You must  merely get past them and keep it moving.  One  must not let things discourage you, kill you, or  put a damper on your fire. The more you fuel your inner burning and  don't let the torch dim, the less defeat will have game time in the arena that is  you.

Defeat is agonizing yes, but victory is so much sweeter. The battles are always worth winning when the outcome makes  the journey worth traveling.  The journey doesn't always have you stopped at beautiful expansive vistas or Kodak moment  locales, but when you reach you destination, you soon come to the realization that the trip actually wasn't so bad after all. Moreover, you made it through with your own reserves of strength,supported by your spirit and will.  It simply does not matter if the trip was made in a  falling out jalopy or a stealth G6, whether it took 100 days or 1 day, you got there my friend. Rejoice.

Truth be told: Realize that setbacks are only temporary. The sun will always shine after the rain and the light will forever follow the darkness. 

The Secret to a Happy Life.

What does Angela think the secret to happiness in  life is?

It is when you make the cognizant effort to be happy no matter where you are, who you are with, or what you are doing.  Happiness reigns supreme when the happiness derives internally.  Get rid of  the asinine  expectations you secretly set for others; I'm not saying forget them, I am saying stop putting them  (and the  blame) of your disposition on others and start putting them on yourself.  There is no one to  blame for your unhappiness but the man staring back at you in the mirror. Just because someone/something is the catalyst of the unhappiness doesn't mean you have to stay sullen and sulking stuffing your face in a gluttonous bowl of Cherry Garcia or drowning it in your mug o' beer. Make the effort to resolve the feelings and do what you have to do let it go.  Releasing ill feelings and stopping the negative behaviors that are associated with it will free your mind, and  like the song says  " And the rest will follow.".

Truth be told: Stop accepting your unhappiness and start promoting your joy. 

Youthful Wisdom.

My children are the quintessential old souls brimming with unrealized wisdom.   Unbeknownst to them, they are learning where the riches of life abound and finding happiness in it. They do  not seek fulfillment in extras, frills, or excess.    My teenage son smiled today because he said he had a GREAT day today. What did he do? He stayed home and did nothing.  Wow, when you realize that your happiness is connected to your self and  not external influences you have reached a level of wisdom that some grown folk  never even connect to.  He has humble bones that have strengthened over his short life into something that will aid his ethical and conscience development and that makes mama happy. He has the  mental structure for sustenance, endurance, and survival. He does not accept defeat and if defeat is handed to him he balks at it and casts it out as nothing more than a minor inconvenience. He doesn't dwell on it ;  He's a rebounder.  He refuses to settle. Negativity was not bred in his blood. He's been happy whether he's had two broke down knees or whether he won a district title.  I can't take all the credit as I feel like there is always something greater putting it's/His hand in the mix but I'm certainly proud to say that's my son.  He's always had something encircling him, providing him with lessons and the mechanics of how to deal with life intelligently and happily.  The world focuses so much on the excess and the accumulation of material wealth. We forget how to live, how to sustain living, and how to enjoy life  because we are always too busy looking for the next best  thing only to find out that it provides nothing of what we actually seek.  It has zero to do with what you drive, what you wear, what you own or what you do on your long weekends. Abundancy  dwells inside you.  You won't find it anywhere else.. and I learned that from my 18 year old son.

Truth be told: Be receptive to the lessons youth can teach you.  The moment you stop accepting they can teach you, God/the gods/Allah/insert your God here, will give you a big fat "F" in  Life Lessons 101.

Realism. A lost philosophy?

Realism to me is saying I am not perfect. Angela is not perfect!  Ahhhhh, does that feel good or what?!?!

What is real? Real to me is accepting you are not free from fault, falling short of your stated ideals, making a bad decision, or telling an untruth. It is in knowing that you are fallible, that you will succumb to another's whim or even perhaps even their emotional blackmail.  Maybe you trusted someone when you shouldn't have or maybe you promised someone something outlandish and you knew you couldn't deliver.


We were born imperfect human beings. So why do we insist on holding people to unrealistic standards? don't EVER lie,(once a liar always a liar), don't  EVER say something to hurt my feelings (because that means you don't love me)  don't EVER cheat on  me (because then you always will)... The laundry list and it's so called rationalizations could go on. (and yes I am using a romantic relationship as supporting example because this is often where the most unrealistic standards are placed).

Why are people afraid to say they love imperfect beings when we ourselves are unperfect? Why do we measure our worth  ALWAYS by the way someone treats us?  Sometimes people will  be people and you have zero to do with how they treat you. Sometimes, I said.. but not always.

I often wonder if some are wired to always react negatively and unrealistically about someone else's transgressions. Are they aware of their own? Do they put on the other person's shoes?  Whether it's convoluted or absolute, some people will mill about as if if their number 2 doesn't emanate unpleasantries.  Newsflash.. See the error of your ways.... and adjust accordingly.  Smothering someone with the breadth of your impossible ideals that is as wide as the Atlantic is not a good thing. 


PS. Like right now, I'm like this blog entry sucks,  has no depth.. sounds affected...seems incomplete... but guess what?  I'm not perfect so my blog won't always meet my ideal.. And I'm okay with that. :)

Truth be told:  The ideal that someone can  be free of imperfection is flawed. Even a diamond isn't perfect, and it's still valuable and has worth.

Yes, I'm a cheapskate. But I'm a damn good one!

Changing it up here for a bit, diverting from my philosophical commentary to expound on the wonderousness of a few of my found treasures today. I set out today with the notion to find some pieces for my work wardrobe and perhaps something for a casual weekend. I used to be a vintage clothing seller so I have no qualms about going into a dusty thrift store to do some scavenging. I have found Pucci, Gucci, Chloe, Fendi, Louis,  Gilbert Adrian  (sidebar FYI. Remember when shoulder pads were introduced in the 40s? They were made famous by the costumer designer Gilbert Adrian who designed suits for Joan Crawford, you know the ones, gander below) Well, that $20 blazer I sold for $500 so there ain't no shame in my game girls! So with that being said I wanted to share what I bought and how much I paid for all of it. Fun stuff, right?

 When you are concerned about money, Goodwill or any other reasonable  second hand store is like heaven.. for pennies!  Because of my self taught knowledge, I know the quality construction of a garment so none of it looks cheap and tacky...I pick out  classic pieces that I can wear for several seasons. The glory is in the creation of a great outfit that's pulled together with a fabulous pair of good shoes and a killer monster bag! 

I would never pay this amount for a piece of clothing. I got this MaxStudio blazer above for $5.99. It is a size 2 so I can't button it but who cares it looks fab.. right? The tank is Victoria's secret, $2.99 at TJ Maxx, and the jeans are Express which I believe were maybe $10?  

It takes a lot of dusty digging and toe pinching and time to find your treasures.  But when you score, you score! Sadly I did find a Chloe skirt today, and it FIT but it had  a rip and it hung funny so back on the rack it went.Too short for the office anyway, but I did pick up this  Vera Wang shirt,  Express skirt, bag, and  vintage necklace (multiple strands of pearls) for a grand total of $16.00. I paired it with my own belt and some Jessica Simpson platform pumps. Oh and the "purse"? It's actually a Lancome giveaway. Shhhh..

 f

Truth be told: You are a fool if you pay full retail for your frocks. With time, a good eye, and a tight wallet, you WILL find fabu shit.

Apathy, Listlessness, and Nonchalance.

The words apathy,nonchalance and indifference usually aren't part of Angela's world but there are times when the timing is just, the situation calls for it, and the idiot on the other end deserves it.


It's for the person (or who I fondly, lovingly call the idiot) who doesn't understand solid, obvious reasoning.
  " You got a ticket because you were speeding".

Their retort?  "I got a ticket because I wasn't paying attention to the cop that was parked in the cut!".

Now if I were to waste my mental energies trying to explain the lucidity of my statement and their absurdity of theirs  I would be the idiot.

It's for the person who talks the talk and doesn't walk the walk.

You know the kind, it's kinda like the girl that is a self proclaimed Barbie but she works at  Arby's.  Right, exactly there is nonesuch. You can't be a barbie when you smell like a cheeseburger and side of onion rings and wear a fucking paper hat.
It's the man that has a plan but no action.  It's like when you were a little heathen of a boy setting up your little green army men battlefield just so and then losing steam to even play or wearing your Superman cape and not flying. Real men (gasp!)  follow through.  (or some continue to wear the cape, call themselves Anastacia and attend drag night at Lucky Cheng's)

It's for the person that thinks they know it all.
Ugh! Please save me for the person who always knows what people will do, what they will say, how they will react, tells you how you should live your life, rear your children, handle your man, obey the Lord, cook your food, wear your clothes,  clean your house, drive your car, who to vote for and why, corrects your words (guilty!), offers too much unsolicited advice, butts into the convo... you get it.

For all of you, I display my apathy to the nth degree. I just do not  care enough to open my mouth to opine about it.  Yes, I will have little thoughts firing off in my head about how I could classify you psychologically and devise colorful retorts that would leave you looking dumbfounded, but I nonchalantly will digress. Some things are just better left unsaid. Besides, it's so much funner watching you hang yourself without me helping you.
 
Truth be told: Sometimes it's better to respond with apathy than opposition. Listlessness can be wielded very effectively. Nonchalant dispositions often achieve desired results.   

Cease talk is sometimes better than Peace talk.

Cool statement, huh?

I thought so. What does it mean? In Layman's terms it just means to regulate your verbal sparring drama by: Breathing, releasing, and letting it go. Sometimes not talking is better than trying to meet someone else's mind.

 If talking equates to an epic failure just stop talking. If a meeting of the minds ain't gonna happen, chalk it up to an immature or unreasonable mind set and stop talking.  You can often say much more in silence than you can  by flapping your gums.  Now, you have to know that some problems can't be solved, some questions don't have answers, and some people will never get it. Ever.  And you need to be okay with it. The answer to a problem that can't be solved is just to leave it alone. It deserves nothing further.


 Besides, I think it's the best thing you can do when  you're approaching the roadblock, the inevitable impasse, or stalemate of your verbal combats. Walk away, stop talking, thrown in the white towel, forget trying to promulgate your reasoning  (cause you know you are vying for the chance to gain personal victory over someone to satiate your selfish ego just to say that you facilitated the resolve and salvaged your ____________________!)  <insert whatever works for you.  WHEW!

  Not winning my friends, not winning.

Truth be told: Closed mouths sometimes speak the loudest. Your wisdom lies within your ability to speak volumes with your silence.

.

Angela's Bucket List

Perhaps I should add  "actively make efforts to complete said things on bucket list" because I just realize it has not changed in months. I want to do all these things and I intend to actually complete them all. Yes, all of them. As they reveal, they are not off the wall, but real things that I could actually do with just a little bit of planning and effort.

1. Submit a freelance piece of writing to a magazine.

2. Lose my fear of roller coasters.

3.Go to the Cherry Blossom Festival in DC. 

4.Eat at a taco bus.

5.Travel the Blue Ridge Parkway.

6. Eat Thai street food.

7. Buy a handgun.

8. Get a tattoo on the back of my neck.

9. Go to Walden Pond to reflect.

10. Learn to ride a sport bike.

11.Volunteer at a soup kitchen/food pantry.

12. Earn a degree.

13.Walk up Mulberry Street in Little Italy in NYC.

14. Attend Sundance Film Festival in Utah.

15. Visit Mt. Tolfa.

16. Visit more slave cemeteries.

17. Visit all drive in theaters in Florida.

18. Take a hot air balloon ride.

It was fun to write this list; to think about what I really want to enjoy while I'm occupying my little space on the planet that I inhabit. If you want to make one of your own take a gander over at: www.bucketlist.org.

Mind Control.

How do you stay mindful of your mind? How do you train your thought process to steer clear of the negativity and focus on the positive on a  regular, consistent basis?  It surely takes a heap of practice and a lot of flooding your melon with affirmations.  Personally, I read a lot, I write a lot more often, and I try and keep my surroundings full of people that are like-minded. Personal case in point: It's proven to be a hard task to let things just roll off my shoulders and go uncontested when I don't want to go down without a fight, but I am making slow headway where it  counts. I've done this by recognizing what triggers my desire to "fight" and then dispelling the illogical/incorrect/assumptive reasoning behind it, mentally telling myself to retract the negativity, and breathing slooooowly and THEN responding sans angst and fervor.  Sometimes you just have to be okay being less than who  you used to be to gain more more of who you want be. It's just part of  the process of self discovery. Being more aware of your mind patterns can allow you to recognize bad decisions before you make them,  key you in on what prompts your negative reactions and allow you to divert from that path of negativity and move in one that doesn't make you look like a damn hamster running in a wheel exerting all your energy and getting absolutely nowhere.

In other words, just pay attention to what you think and how you think. No one said it would be easy, hell it's like spearheading a personal revolution against yourself but if you can tackle you, the obstacle, you will enjoy the glory you receive in overcoming it.

Truth Be Told: Conscientious thinking precludes negativity thinking. Be mindful of your mindset and alter when necessary.

Contentment IS Fulfillment

Some say that contentment is a bad thing; that it signifies settling somehow as if it's  throwing in the towel because nothing better will come along or there is no Prince Charming out there so you might as well settle for "Prince not-so-charming-but-he'll-do". Often people view contentment as falling short of happiness. I do not see it that way. AT ALL. There is no end to craving, so you MUST be content with what you have. You must acquire the contentment that comes with something or someone making you happy. If you keep thinking that better is out there, you will keep craving it, ,and it will continue to be elusive.  Contentment makes you feel complete. You feel full. This acceptance of the present is part of victorious living.  You can live simply and still live abundantly if you are content with your circumstances and the people in your life.  It's going to take more to kill someone (figuratively speaking) who is content and with peace of mind, than it is to kill someone who is distressed and forlorn. Strength is in the fortitude to be happy with the present.

Truth be told: Some days a tub of water looks big, sometimes the ocean seems tiny. The idea is to be content with both.