Pain, Pain Go Away..

What do you do when you seek clarity or a path to "the answer?".

I write. I journal. I do anything but open my mouth. Well, most of the time. But that is only because I am home alone and there is no one here to be the brunt of my tirades. Just kidding.

Woke up this morning with a light heart. A couple hours late my heart is heavy. It's funny how one teeny tiny thing can change the direction of a ship without you even steering the sails or standing at the helm. Most of life benefits a controlled response, a controlled atmosphere. A well thought out plan. Love though?  No matter how much you plan to not fail, plan to not  get hurt, or even plan not to fall in love, cupid's arrow is precise and direct. He'll get ya. .Oh yeah, he will. And when your heart is open, it's open to all the pain that God thinks you can endure and handle.

It's that that I fear. The moment when you realize that cupid done got you. When you got got  by cupid your heart is up for torture. We try and say clear of the pains and hurts but really, all the planning you do to protect your heart does no good. Hurt is gonna come.

Some people ignore it, some people thrive of  it, some people take it and turn it around. But what about that moment when it occurs? When you have no control over the tightening it does around your heart, when it squeezes it so hard you can feel it in your chest? I hate that. I want to run away from it but not  before I  beat it with a damn stick.  Kick it when it's around the ground. Yeah, that's it. Just to make sure it doesn't start up again. Kinda like A Nightmare on Elm Street movie. Overkill. Just to make sure.

Ok, so this post started out looking with me looking for clarity. I read back the entry and it's so unclear and segmented... and scattered. I guess that's something I can't control either. But alas, I continue the fight through  it, citing bad plays on words and quasi quoting Shakespearean prose such as :  "Out, damn pain, out!" is pretty damn clever. Not working too well though.

Truth Be Told: Pain is the bitch I love to hate. Don't ever come back another day. Not now. Not ever.